Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Time Travel 1,000,000 BC - Ep. 7 "Evil Twins" - The Grand Finale


Will the Rhodes Boys ever learn to stop tinkering with history? This time, they've gone too far and now there are two sets of two: the professor and his twin, the assistant and his twin. But could this lead to disaster?

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Monday, June 29, 2009

Behind the Scenes: 1,000,000 BC Production of "Evil Twin"

(Above) Jeff playing a little football toss with Jeff.  
(Below) Jeff  amuses Jeff between takes of 1,000,000 BC
Time to eat!  Jeff grills some burgers for Jeff 
during meal break for 1,000,000 BC 'Evil Twins' (below).


Hangin' out with my new best friends: me, myself and I.

As the song says, "We like the same clothes, we like the same shows, we like to go to bed at the same time..."  Fortunately, both Jeff AND Jeff were available the same day to shoot the latest Rhodes Boys production of 1,000,000 BC "Evil Twins", the grand finale of the 1,000,000 BC series.  

The creators are hinting that episode seven may be the last we see of the 'professor' and his 'assistant' for the near future.  "We've had at least 150, maybe 160 people watch 1,000,000 BC so it's time to rest the franchise," explains co-executive producer/caterer Jeffrey Rhodes.

Co-executive producer Jordan Rhodes was more succinct, "School starts soon."

Touche.

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

BET - Awards Tonight! My predictions


I have no idea who is going to win. I am completely unfamiliar with the nominees (for the most part). I have not been invited to any after-parties. With this in mind...

I predict I will NOT watch the BET awards, and that prediction WILL be correct.

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My Records - Steve Winwood "Back In the High Life"

When I bought Steve Winwood "Back in the High Life" in college, Steve Winwood was already 20 years into a career so he seemed old to me at the time. He was from 'the sixties'. At the time, this seemed like a mature and sophisticated buy because of his age and because he had been in such iconic groups as Blind Faith and performed with all those blues guys like Bo Diddley and Muddy Waters. But his style was, even though rockin', not really hard crunching 'white man overbite' kind of music. It is very good, and very strong, but I can't imagine it on Guitar Hero. Now, if they came out with a 'Keyboard Hero' he'd probably be the man!

It's strange because one would think this music would be more popular in a 'Jack Radio' kind of way but you don't hear Steve Winwood much these days. I listened to this album and I thought it was very strong. There are two really big hits on here "Higher Love" and "Back In the Highlife Again" for sure (which means it passed the Jeff '2 hit' criteria for purchase).


I remember a couple of other tracks that I really dug but am not so sure they were big hits "My Love's Leavin", "Wake Me Up on Judgement Day", "Take It As It Comes", and "Freedom Overspill".

It's not really the over-bite-ingest album I own but I really like it so I'm going to have to give it 2 White Man Overbites on the WMO jam scale. So there.

By the way, in lots of ways Steve Winwood is the epitome of the White Man Overbite. As a teen sensation in England, his voice was often compared to Ray Charles. So there, again.

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Time Travel 1,000,000 BC - Ep. 4 "Switcheroo"



Professor Jeffrey Rhodes and his young assistant/favorite nephew return to 1,000,000 BC to tempt fate and explore. But what happens this time to our present reality? WIll the professor be able to handle the most bizarre and all-encompassing change yet? And will anybody watch this clip?

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Friday, June 26, 2009

Time Travel 1,000,000 BC - Ep. 6 "Orlando Magic Champs?"



What happens when Professor Jeffrey Rhodes and his young assistant/favorite nephew Jordan journey back to 1,000,000 BC and once again tinker with fate. What has their meddling wrought this time?

Check out the other 1,000,000 BC adventures HERE

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Helpful Quotes


I found two quotes in my Success Joggers cards that I thought were pretty nice. The first one, "Write the ten things you'd like to be remembered for... it helps you focus on the right things." This is especially helpful when we get all caught up in doing stuff like earning money and chores and lose sight of the big picture.

The second one is related, "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there". I always thought it was my grandfather who first said this quote but apparently it is from the Koran. Not sure who ripped off who.

It's all about focus!

Now if I can only get the kids to focus their aim when going to the bathroom then life would be perfect.

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Farrah Fawcett 1947-2009


When I was a kid, she was Farrah Fawcett-Majors, the wife of Lee Majors, aka 'The Six Million Dollar Man'. My brother and I both had copies of this poster, but I was too embarrassed to post mine up, opting instead to cover my walls with Star Trek posters (Uncool starts early).

Oh, well... Every generation had a pin-up girl for when the the boys first realize they like girls. For us 70's punks, it was Farrah Fawcett-Majors!

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Pre-Teen Boys Bathroom


When I was a kid, I never had the luxury of my own bathroom so I cannot honestly say I would have been any different. But the facts are facts. My four boys have the most ridiculous bathroom in the history of bathrooms. I've cleaned it. My wife has cleaned it a lot more. I have supervised the boys cleaning their bathroom. My wife has supervised even more than me. We've helped them clean it and we've cleaned it ourselves but that room just will not stay non-disgusting. These are the core problems:

1. Their aim is horrible. I know, I know, every woman who has ever lived with a man says the same thing but there is something incredibly wrong with their aim. When I was a kid, I learned pretty quickly to listen for that tell-tale sound that told you that your aim was true. They can't be hearing that sound. Maybe they are so used to the sound of liquid on tile flooring that they assume they are hitting the water. They keep the light on in the bathroom all night (they claim it is not a nightlight) so I know it has nothing to do with darkness. Think 'bathroom on the turnpike' and multiply it by 14.
(Above) Empty towel racks about the infamous 'Flush Me'
sign that is never, ever heeded.

2. They refuse to hang-up towels. My biggest pet peave. They go out of their way to NOT hang-up towels. I counted today. There are 27 different acceptable places to hang-up towels in that small bathroom. 27. If my english major math doesn't fail me, that is 9 places per user. I've asked nicely. I've threatened. I've cajoled. I've joked. I've screamed bloody murder. I've punished. I've demonstrated. I've offered rewards. I've converted every reachable free space into a hook. Help.


3. They are stinky kids. Kids are like wild animals. They clean themselves just enough to not be hunted by other animals but keep themselves dirty enough to keep the flies and ticks off of themselves. I suppose it is their nature.

Eventually, I will stumble upon a technique that will work to my satisfaction. Until that day...

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Football Seats

(Above) A three panel picture from my old Memorial Stadium
seats at the Ravens games. (Below) Another three panel view
of my seats at Ravens Stadium.
Found some old pictures of my seats at the Ravens games. As a kid, through college, my 'manhood' gift to myself, one of the first things I was going to do was buy season tickets to the Baltimore Colts. Unfortunately, they bolted town during my Freshman year and I about never recovered.

I had season tickets for a few years at the CFL Stallions games but the real fun kicked-up when the Browns moved to Baltimore. Here are the views from my two sets of seats.

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art


I'm a big believer that all things in life somehow relate back to Twinkies. So it stands to reason that much of the best art of the past 100 years are a reflection of a love for this most perfect and delicate pastry. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway... enjoy.

(Above) "Why?" Was it death or something else that caused
the insane notion of dropping a half-eaten Twinkie.
"A Study in Gold" (below) from the Museum of Historical Pastry.


The famous "Blue Twinkie" exhibit (above).


Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods

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Monday, June 22, 2009

Father's Day Recap

Picked-up some nice swag on Father's Day 2009. I have particularly embraced Father's Day because it is one of the several days per year I give myself permission to be lazy and be non-diplomatic. As the pater-familia, I find I spend a great deal of time offering solutions, negotiating and being the judge on multiple little trials. On Father's Day, not only is it acceptable to NOT do those things, it is required.

On Saturday, I hit Hollywood video and went through their previously viewed section. Being that they were having a buy 2, get 2 special, I was able to snag some movies for the first time in a while: "Pineapple Express", "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", "Quantum of Solace" and "Tropic Thunder".
On Sunday morning, I began the day by sleeping-in. Generally, I am the first up these days but not on Father's Day. Then, a manly bacon & eggs breakfast (above). Generally, I cook pancakes and make a couple of eggs for myself, but as part of the festivities, the entire feast was cooked for me and we stomach achingly yummy.
This was followed by the presentation of the gifts. I received my customary and quite enjoyed handmade cards and gifts. My youngest brought home his first 'made in school' gift and it now serves as my latest pencil can. My second youngest got creative and pulled together a very well-crafted multi-media card and keychain.

Then the family drove to the Saugus Raceway outdoor swap meet and I bought myself a grill scraper.

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Sunday, June 21, 2009

My Records - Hall and Oates "H20"


Happy Father's Day! Before I drift off for my traditional Father's Day Nap, I pulled out some old records and stumbled across Hall and Oates "H20". I've always had a theory about Hall and Oates that they had cut a deal with the devil to become famous. They'd always have like one or two monster hits on their albums, and the rest would be horrendous. It was like the devil gave them enough to get them famous, but let them write the rest of the songs on their own.

This was early 80's so it's about when they were really hitting their stride. They were famous by this time, tall moused hair, and in full devil mode. As usual, there were a couple of hits and the rest is really rough to listen to. "Maneater" and "One on One" and possibly "Family Man" were all written by Lucifer himself. They are catchy and the hooks stick in your brain like super glue. The rest is of the album... well, you know... nice try fellas.

As far as white man overbite scale goes, though these songs are catchy (at least those penned by you know who), they don't really elicit the WMO. But I can't deny their catchiness, so I am forced to award one white man overbite on the WMO jam scale. Being a Christian man, I feel it is my duty to now burn this album and forever banish it from the human record.

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

Father's Day Strategy

As one gets older, the pleasures of life become much simpler. When I was a kid, I'd watch my Dad or my uncles take weekend naps and I'd be flabbergasted at the utter waste of time. I'd be like, 'they have money and power, why are they sleeping?'. As a kid, you can't wait to have a job and your own place so you could buy every toy you ever wanted. Then, once you are old enough to get that job and that place, you no longer really want those toys and you have to start buying crud you don't necessarily want like garden hoses, mulch, and wood putty.

The years roll on and I find myself saying words I never thought I'd say as a kid, "Just get me some new underwear for Christmas. New underwear would be fabulous". The sad part is, I really think new underwear is fabulous.

Which brings us to Father's Day. Father's always have stuff to do. There's always cars to wash and stuff to fix, and kids to spend time with, and wives to paint rooms for, everything is never really 'done'. Naps are desired but there's just no way to take them guilt free when there is so much to do. That's why there's two days a year when naps aren't just allowed, they are expected: birthday & Father's day.

Dad's like Father's Day because they get to sleep (note: a friend of mine, a young father, recently told me 'I used to think you were crazy talking about those Father's Day naps. Now that I have a kid, I know exactly what you were talking about.'). The kids like Father's Day because if I am sleeping, I am not yelling at them. Wives like Father's Day because if I am sleeping, I am not yelling at the kids.

So as part of the festivities, I get to sleep when I want, where I want and for as long as I want. The boys will make sure I have a fresh diet soda, they make sure the fan is plugged in and working, and my wife keeps the youngest from jumping on my head while I'm asleep. Ahhhhhhhh....

Then, I'll open my gift and put on a fresh, crisp pair of tighty-whitey underwear. Perfection.

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Friday, June 19, 2009

Desk Shot


Every tech-movie has a geeky guy in his mom's basement with a bank of computers so they can 'hack' into the defense network (in about 12 seconds) and do some plot driven action.

It is in full Uncool humbleness that I look at my desk and go, uh-oh, I may be be just like them. I'm out in in my garage for many more hours than I'd care to admit. I have not one but two computers running and I feel that isn't nearly enough. I have wires and cables strung throughout. I have the ability to ramp-up to a full-blown in-house network pretty fast. I've got editing software and green screen fabric lying around, I've got a bunch of cameras and a pile of scripts. My nephew came over and we shot more goofy YouTube clip footage.

I noticed that there's a certain group of people in our field (editors, night crew, telecine folks) who become so attached to their gear because of the nature of their jobs that they get a certain look in their eyes. A certain disconnection with the ol' world-a-rama.

I've been looking at these screens too much! Time to interact with other humans...

...and I'll get to that as soon as I check my email, update the blog and check on a little research.

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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yard Sale Find of the Week!


Being the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood means that I don't do a lot of shopping at the trendy Melrose Avenue boutiques, Rodeo Drive or even the valet enshrined local malls. Jeff likes to hit the open road and troll the local yard sales.

I've talked quite a bit in the past about yard sales, but recent weekends have been chock full of yard sales here in the neighborhood. Ask an ye shall receive, I've been complaining lately about how all of my DVD's don't fit properly in my Ikea wall unit and could sure use another to completely hold everything. Voila! $5 bucks later, my DVD's are off the floor and in proper daddy order.

I'm thinking about painting to match but don't need to get too fancy!

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Stuff I Keep - Pt. 2 - Goofy Plastic Caps

As I've stated many times before, if I'm alone these many years hence when I pass from this planet, the executors of my estate are going to find so much illogical crud in my house. My latest obsession: these plastic caps on the end of shipping tubes. I've been working on a project where I've gotten a lot of poster sized paper sent to me, so it has been sent to me in those cool shipping tubes. Being a super-goober of Uncool proportions, I just can't throw away the shipping tubes and plastic caps, I MUST KEEP THEM!

I am proud to say, that the shipping tubes themselves have been re-purposed nicely. A goodly portion of them became toy bazooka guns for the kids (used, abused, thrown away). I also used a bunch of them to organize the kids' hockey sticks (see below). I was pretty proud of that one.

However, that leaves these goofy plastic caps. What to do with them? Game pieces for some future board game me and the boys will invent one Saturday night? Perhaps they can be the buttons or knobs of some robot costume this Halloween? Or the baubles of some necklace my youngest will make for his mothers' Christmas present?

I'm not sure either. I just know I have a hard time throwing away something that is perfectly good that can be used for something perfectly logical if I can only figure out what that may be.

So I hope that whomever goes through my final belongings and stumbles across a bag of plastic caps will find a good home for these highly useful... things.

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Homemade Laundry Detergent

My bucket of homemade laundry detergent (above).
(Below) The consistency of pudding, the smell of roses.

The ingredients (above) for my homemade laundry detergent.

A semi-frequent topic of the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood is my love/hate relationship with laundry and my laundry Room. Being a cheap man and always concerned I am being ripped off, I decided to investigate that whole racket known as laundry detergent. Sure, you need soap to clean your things, even the ancient Assyrians knew that (my pre-teen boys could give a pretty decent argument against the use of soap, but that is another post entirely). But I've never been convinced that the stuff has to be that expensive. It's just soap. To clean clothes. C'mon!

So being the goober that I am, I went on a quest to find out how to make my own laundry detergent, how hard could it be?

I found a recipe HERE that I've been using ever since. I found another recipe that looks a little better but I haven't been sure whether or not I want to use my food processor for soap. The recipe I chose is really, really, easy to make and takes only about 20 minutes so that's the one I've been using.

The jury is still out on how good it cleans. My wife isn't all that happy with the results, particularly on white clothes. Everything smells peachy, but the whites aren't very white. I've been using bleach with the whites, which kind of seems old school to me, but bleach none-the-less.

Now, as I've read this post, I feel like I've definitely gone over some type of edge in terms of Uncoolness. I'm making my own laundry detergent. I'm testing it. I've got supplies and recipes and a spouse willing to give it a shot. I'm like the old men in the rocking chair arguing over motor oil.

I am a Hollywood hipster, I am a Hollywood hipster... chant with me!

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Monday, June 15, 2009

Mad Magazine Monday - Subscription


One of the reasons I'm inordinately attached to my old Mad Magazines is because it was one of my first purchases using my own money. The more I thought about, the more I realized that a magazine subscription is one more thing showing my Uncool Hollywood age problem.

Modern tykes just don't think about or get the magnitude of a subscription. Today's kiddies have desire to see something, they go onto the internet. They want stats on a athlete, internet. Picture of rock star, internet. Preview of next month's Wolverine, internet. The internet killed baseball cards, stamp collecting, and newspapers.

When I was a youngster, you wanted information, you had to buy it at a news stand. Hobby magazines, sports magazines, business magazines, everything came from a magazine. When you are a kid, comic books were the only thing beyond cartoons. And of course, my beloved Mad Magazines.

It just so happened that my love of Mad Magazines coincided with my getting one of my first jobs as a paperboy (yikes, talk about aging yourself). Bottom line, I had dough in my pocket. Disposable, kid-income. My first purchase, a subscription to Mad Magazine. I no longer had to run up to the Woolworths (yikes, I'm aging myself again) or the Read's Drugstore (aging myself) in my dad's new Model-A Ford (just kidding) to see if a new Mad Magazine was ripe for purchase. I simply plucked down my $9.00 for 15 issues, mailed the cash (I don't remember doing it, but it had to have been cash), begged my mom for a stamp and an envelope and mailed it away to 485 MADison Avenue, New York, NY 10022.

Magically, ten weeks later, my first Mad Magazine showed up. They were protected by this plain brown paper (much like a grocery bag - aging myself) and were stickered shut. The coolest thing is seeing your name on the mailing label: Jeff Rhodes, 8926 Parlo Road, Balto MD 21236.

Wow. I'm a man.

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

My Records - Prince "1999"


In honor of my brother Tim's birthday (soon to be one of coolest dudes in Hollywood), I am posting one my old records that clearly is not Uncool, Prince "1999". Back in the day, this was my brothers record. I would not have plunked down the $6.99 plus tax that he plunked down because I saw no future in it. I was trying track down the latest Chiliwack album while he and his pals had it correct all along.

I remember when Tim and my friends Larry & Brian (not sure who else may have gone) bought tickets to see Prince with The Time and Vanity 6 down at the Baltimore Civic Center. I was, of course, horrified at spending my hard earned busboy money on such folly and immediately passed. They on the other hand have been telling the story of that concert for the past twenty five years.

What's not to like? A bunch of out and out classics like '1999', 'Little Red Corvette', 'Delirious', 'Lady Cab Driver', and 'All the Critics Love U in New York'. It was a double album. It was an album. Prince wrote with that crazy shorthand that everybody now uses to text. The cover had a penis (tee hee) right there in the middle!

The cover also looked like it was drawn on notebook paper between third and fourth period with magic markers and magazine clippings and is still very cool.

No white man overbites on this album, it is beyond my puny scale.

A friend of mine met Prince recently and had dinner at his house. Once again, I miss out on the Prince show and the twenty five years of a good story!

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Saturday, June 13, 2009

TV Show - Future Episodes


Now that we have a TITLE, a LOG LINE, a THROUGH LINE, some CHARACTERS, for my proposed TV show about a steakhouse called Beefer's, let's sketch out some potential episodes.

Note: this is horribly first draft. Some ideas...

"The Showdown" - Herman is new to the job and already trouble is brewing when old loan sharks get wind of Herman's new job and demand payment. The interest is going to be paid by free dinners EVERY night. Hilarity ensues

"Mr. Simon's Finger" - When Mr. Simon loses his finger in the french fryer, the restaurant goes crazy trying find it before a customer stumbles upon it. Hilarity ensues.

"The Vegetarians" - Jack Beanstalk and his Veggie Warriors take the restaurant over, hold the staff hostage and make vegetarian demands upon the world. Hilarity ensues.

"The Grapes of Wrath" - A fruit truck arrives with a very persistent salesman with an offer everyone at the restaurant is afraid to refuse. Hilarity ensues

"The Salad Bar Affair" - The salad bar takes up an ungodly portion of the restaurant. Half of the items on there are unidentifiable expect for the names (that make no hint at what kind of food it is). When a new batch with new names arrives on the corporate truck, does it go on the salad bar or is it a new cleaning product?

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Friday, June 12, 2009

TV Show - Characters

We've talked TITLE, we've talked LOG LINE, we've talked THROUGH LINE, now it is time to talk characters:

Beefers - Character Descriptions

Herman Halibut - An assistant manager at Beefer's Restaurant (who isn't very good at managing). He has the ability to succeed but is directionless and lethargic. To this point in life, he has been told what to do and what to think; he makes a complete break from all the forces that have been doing this to him. Instead of freeing him, the lack of direction leaves him lost. "Beefers" is the beginning of the road in his journey to become a complete and whole person.

Freddie - A cook at Beefer's Restaurant. He's worked at Beefer's for five years so he knows the ropes. He's dishonest but likeable. He's the instigator who starts trouble and watches from the sidelines as his schemes cause havoc. By virtue of his seniority and ability, he's been given the job of running the kitchen and is somewhat of a supervisor. He should have become a manager or some other higher position long ago but chose to stay back. In essence, he's the king of the restaurant.

Mr. Bob - Manager and franchise owner of Beefer's. The success of his restaurant has less to do with his competence than with hthe fact that the franchise has a can't lose formula. In fact, he has become so far removed frmo how to run the place, he doesn't even count the money at the end of the night. He primary job is keeping people employed. Evertytime somebody is hire, the staff either drvies them crazy or drives them out. Consequently, Mr. Bob has perfected the technique of getting aqt least one more night out of somebody who is clearly ready to quit.

Mr. Simon - Daytime cook at Beefer's. This crusty old man has worked at the restaurant longer than anyone. He's seen them all come, and he's seen them all go. he befriends no one. He discourages any contact with himself other than official work duties. Any other contact is bound to be met with a sharp tongue or an ever sharper knife.

Zip - Dishwasher at Beefer's. A young high school student who works nights at the restaurant. He's the lowest man on the totem pole, so he takes the most crap. He's not very bright and tends to laugh and giggle all the time. Unwise in the ways of the workd, he sees nohting wrong at laughing in your face about your problems. Yet his unforgiving honesty and untainted soul makes him the wisest person working there. His snippets of truth are the most revealing.

TOMORROW: Future episodes

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Thursday, June 11, 2009

TV Show - Through Line


What I've Decided Already:

Show Title: BEEFERS
Show Log line: All in one day, a young Philly kid fails out of school, gets disowned by family, dumped by his fiance, and runs a gambling debt beyond hope. Solution: Con your way into a job at the cruddiest steakhouse in all of Dallas and wait for the coast to clear.

Through Line - The through line is a longer explanation of what the story is about, the universe of show, story arcs and themes. This is you explanation of the show if someone were to sit you down and ask for some more details.

I'm trying to set up the story so that the main character is a fish out of water in a place he doesn't necessarily want to be but he has to stay. All that stuff in the log line about getting dumped and failing out do not have to be shown (and in fact will probably come out of the log line in the next draft) but I am trying to set-up the desperate nature of his plight. I like it when conflict comes about that forces a character through circumstance or changes to face something they would normally walk away from. They way to do that and make it somewhat funny (I believe) is to take this main guy and screw him into a set-up that he isn't comfortable with but must deal with anyway.

For the purpose of this posting, I am going to name the character Johnny Doe...

Johnny gets the job as the junior assistant manager at the Beefers Steakhouse in suburban Dallas by lying through his teeth about his restaurant qualifications. Not that the job required much in terms of restaurant qualifications, it seemed the hiring manager was more concerned about whether or not Johnny could "work Thursday night". Beefers is a small chain steak restaurant with about a dozen locations throughout Texas boasting an obvious western theme. The franchise nature of the restaurant means that most of the thought process has gone out of this business and its location makes it a nearly indestructable moneymaker despite the incompetence of everyone involved. It's one of those restaurants where you have a tray, you order your beef, load up on salad, grab pudding cup, and wait for your steak to be cooked.

Johnny's job is to run the later shifts when most of the older managers have gone home. That means he's in charge of the herd of waitresses, the doofus dishwasher, the conniving cook and the old franchise owner and his wife.

Johnny doesn't want to be there. His personal situation has forced him into a tight spot where he needs to work, he needs to lay low, so he needs to do what he can to keep the job. But it is out of no personal interest in the restaurant business, the frachise business, or any management aspirations that he is strapping on a horrible tie and going to work. His waitresses are a combination of old, old, old (been there forever), young, young, young, (want to be there less than Johnny), none of which listen to a word he says. His lead cook has tons of secrets of his own, the day cook is nearly psychotic, the weekend cook is an insane Gordon Ramsey wannabe. The cook is young, burned-out high school stoner with a maleable brain and questionable judgement.

The crux of the conflict is that Johnny has no desire to stay, but is trying to make it work anyway. His earnestness is only to ensure he keeps his job. He was in college, he had dreams, he wants a lot out of life. However, the longer he stays at Beefers, the more settled he gets, and the more he comes to somewhat enjoy his new gig.

Secondary conflicts are Johnny's northeastern roots. He isn't southern, he isn't Texan, and he certainly isn't down with the southern drawl. He's fast when everyone else is more deliberate. They give him crud and he doesn't even realize it.

Secondary conflict: The gamblers and the people from his past keep popping up to mess with his new life in Beefers.

Perhaps a relationship with one of the waitresses that starts out somewhat as a conquest and begins to develop into a relationship. This could be another tie to the restaurant that Johnny develops.

It's North vs. South, Cool vs. Uncool, Snotty vs. Grounded...

I'll have to think on this more tonight. Please email any suggestions.

TOMORROW: A first draft of the characters.

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

TV Show - Log Line - Concept


The log line is a quick, one sentence summary of your new tv show. If you were in an elevator and you had about ten seconds to convey the idea, that is your log line:

"A mob boss by day, a suburban dad by night. Still not sure which is more dangerous" - The Sopranos.
"A team of high tech forensics experts solve the most heinous crimes in the worlds flashiest town" - CSI

You get the idea. The log line is what the show is about at the highest level, as short as possible and as descriptive as possible. Let's review what we know so far:
  • The show takes place in a steak house
  • The title of the show is going to be one of the following: Beef, Beefers, Beef Eaters, The Boiled & the Burned, Cuts, Meat, Meat Cleaver Fever, Steak, Steakhouse
Decision #1: For the time being, I'm going to call the show BEEFERS (as in that's the name of the restaurant). Obviously, subject to change at a later date, but Beefers it is for now.

College aged kid, recent graduate or drop-out. Or maybe a younger twenties guy, moved out west or down south for college (fish out of water), dropped out or failed out and really has no place to go. Or doesn't want to go home and pretends to be in college. He gets work at the steakhouse because his tuition check is gone or he's trying to pay it back and he somehow needs the money. He bluffs his way into a junior management position or some kind of shift leader or something with a little authority so that he interacts with lots of people in the restaurant and can either cause or be forced to resolve conflict. The restaurant should be fairly nice with an array of characters who are somewhat dysfunctional in a people sense. It is only supposed to be a temporary gig but he is cut-off from his money (and really has no other place to go) so he needs to work until he 'gets his crap together'.

(Not bad! All off the top of head, ol' stream o' conscious like)

Log line ideas:
  1. A young man loses his college scholarship, gets kicked out of the house, and gets dumped by his girl. Solution: get a job at the non-tastyous steakhouse in all of Atlanta.
  2. A young Phillly kid fails out of school, gets disowned by family, and dumped by his fiance. Solution: Con your way into a job at the cruddiest steakhouse in all of Dallas.
  3. In one fateful night, a kid from Queens catches his girl with another guy, screws himself out of his college scholarship, and nearly burns down the entire University (under investigation). There's only thing to do: lay low for a few months at the nastyiest steakhouse in Memphis.
  4. What happens in the kitchen of your local steakhouse, stays in the kitchen of your local steakhouse.
I'll have to think on it some more. Any suggestions?

TOMORROW: The through line. Detailed explanation of the setting, story arcs, and universe of the show.

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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

TV Show - The Title, What Should It Be?


I kind of do things in a little strange way (what a surprise) and I find I get inspired if I can latch onto one little thing early on in a project to get the juices flowing. I love cooking and am a big fan of lots of cooking shows and have worked in a few restaurants or two in my day so my tv show idea takes place in a restaurant. Not any restaurant, but a steakhouse. So in my strange, backwards way, I'm going to work on the title of the show first. Of course, this could change, and if anybody buys the idea I'll change it to whatever the flip they want, but right now, here are some title ideas:

Beef
Beefers
Beef Eaters
Beef & Cigars
The Boiled & the Burned
Seared Meat
Fine Marbling
Cuts
Meat
Meet the Meat
Meat is Yummy
Meat Eaters
Meat Cleaver
Meat Cleaver Fever
Veggies are Murder
Steak
Steakhouse
Melted Butter

TOMORROW - The log line

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Monday, June 8, 2009

TV Show - Idea Board



I have a very busy day and week earning on the main gig but I don't like to get too far out of the creative mode so I've decided to hit the ol' idea wall and see if I can't get one of these NOTES off the board. Like a lot of writers, I've got scraps of papers and half ideas all over the place.

Currently, I've got one feature idea I am fleshing out with another writer (which I am very excited about), I've got another idea I'm trying to get to the scripting stage (which is a cool idea if I can get some elements worked out), and I have two scripts in the revision stage (which means they are just about ready to hit the bottom of my desk drawer).

Being unproduced (in the big game) puts me in an interesting position shared by lots of us creative types. You really can't get a sniff until you've done something, and it's hard to do something without getting a sniff.

There are really only a couple of options:

1. Find a dude with some juice, interest them in your work, and partner with them as you try to sell work.

2. Doing something creative on your own (you know, like a blog, short film, YouTube crap, etc.), to get noticed and develop your own juice.

Since I am the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood and don't get to the club much or the health club much and since I work from the house and I don't bump into people much, my best strategy is develop my own juice.

So in between tasks on my highly important, supportive day gig, I will be developing an idea for a TV show I've been mulling for some time in hopes that some knucklehead in the industry may notice and take a meeting before some other knucklehead with more juice than me steals the idea and uses it for themselves. The plan is weak, but I want to get this idea off of the idea board and into my desk drawer pronto.

TOMORROW: I reveal the title of my newest television series idea. Hint: it's a comedy and it involves food.

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

My Records - Styx "Cornerstone"


Spinning through the old record collection and I picked up Styx "Cornerstone". This is one of those albums that in the big scheme of things only has one hit song that has stood the test of time "Babe". However, I can't stand "Babe". I couldn't stand "Babe" back then. In fact, I bought the Styx greatest hits a few years back and "Babe" is the only one I consistently skip. I'm not a "Babe" man. The other song on this album of that ilk is "First Time", but since it doesn't turn up on greatest hits or anywhere it is far less annoying.

I've always liked this album for the other less popular songs. "Lights", "Why Me", "Boat on a River" always fairly rocked for me which is why despite "Babe" and "First Time", I'm giving Styx "Cornerstone" 3 white man overbites on the WMO jam scale.

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Saturday, June 6, 2009

1st Annual Uncool Film Festival

Planning for the 1st Annual Uncool Film Festival is proceeding nicely. There is not much to announce yet but rest assured that this film festival will be unlike any ever seen. Right now, gauging by the feedback I've received from friends, family and other wise counsel, I anticipate participation will be in the low teens. Most of those people will be under the impression that they are attending a job fair (to fill-out the crowd), but it should look good in the publicity stills.

The website is coming together and that will be up shortly. Still trying to gauge how much to charge for entries, but I'm thinking that BYOB may be a more honest way of doing it. Bring your film, bring something to drink, I'll provide the weiners and buns, bring your own bathing suit and towel. My big screen TV should be big enough to accommodate the expected throng.

Tentative plans:

Uncool Grand Prize - The Uncoolest film or short film of the year. So far, the voting seems to be very clear that the short film 'Le Bougre' is the shoe-in (even though it is still unreleased). Still a ways to go but...

King Uncool Award - The filmmaker who displays the least amount of cultural, industry, and hipster presence during the 2008/2009 season. This individual embraces his/her inner Uncool in the pursuit of their Uncool art.

'Too Cool for School" Award - The coolest person we can name, hence, the least likely to attend the event.

Website and call for entries coming soon...

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Friday, June 5, 2009

Uncool Task #47 - Laundry


My super-secret creative laboratory is in the garage. I don't mind that. In fact, I kind of like it. When I first designed the lab, it was in the middle of a scorching summertime and the garage was hot. So I made sure to design the space so that I could fit a small air conditioning unit and keep cool. The problem is that it gets somewhat cold (cold enough to need some heat) in the winter months.

Solution: Run the dryer. Since I don't want to be wasteful with these exorbitant California electric bills, I use the dryer with actual wet clothes. Which means I have to wash them. Hence, in a roundabout way, I've become the family laundry man.

Not the coolest of jobs here in Hollywood, but you know what, it has to be done. Like everything else in life, I have a system:

Divide: three categories... whites (grays), colors, darks.
Wash: I use my own special recipe laundry detergent that I make on the stove, saving dozens of dollars per year.
Dry: Ahhhhhhhh, sweet warmth in the cold months.
Fold: Are you crazy? I washed 'em, somebody else can fold 'em. What do I look like?

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Thursday, June 4, 2009

You Know You're in Hollywood... the kids edition

You know you live and work in Hollywood when you start yelling at your kids about things your Dad never would have considered yellable offenses:

"Son, get your script straight before you bother me with being in your short film."

"Son, get your dirty stinking paws off of my green screen."

"Son, I thought I told you to use a tripod. What are you? An animal?"

"Son, I don't have time to import your footage into the computer. Do your own assistant editing."

"Son, do I look I have time to do a second take?"

"Son, if you don't like my performance, why don't you try to track down ANOTHER 45 year old man to do this stinking part for free... at this hour."

"Son, I think I can do that line better, give me one more take."

Finally...
"Son, if you are able to pull that budget together, I'm available for work."

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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Woodland Hills - Lots of Trees


I may be the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood, but I actually live in the 'burbs (of course). A very nice place they call Woodland Hills. Home to the rich and famous (kinda and kinda).

There are lots of trees in Woodland Hills. I suppose that's part of the reasoning behind the name. I've read some history about it and apparently some dude planted lots of trees. But sheez, they're everywhere.

They even have trees in the middle of the street. There's this behemoth (pictured above) that they built the road around. There's a restaurant down the street with a tree growing right out of the manager's office.

So if you dig trees, I suppose Woodland Hills may be your place.

Plus, if you like rivers made of concrete running criss-cross through the neighborhood, you'd be in double-heaven (below).


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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Ventura Blvd. - Home to... Everything

Ventura Blvd. is the main thoroughfare that shoots through the south end of the San Fernando Valley. It is somewhat famous in a sense in that it has been the backdrop for tons of movies and as one of the homes to the custom car culture. To me, it has an even more unique distinction.
(above) The chinese FOOT massage joint.

The one thing I think is really cool about Manhattan is that you are never far away from anything you could possibly want. From where ever you are in Manhattan you are a five minute walk from anything you may possibly want (chocolate eclair, paper clips, hot dog, antique chair). Ventura Blvd. is much the same way. All you have to do is drive and up and down this magnificent street and you are bound to find what you may seek.

(above) the "Carnival"

Any and every possible business is represented somewhere on Ventura Blvd. Everything from electronics to sports to food is on this street. I once needed a new inner tube for my bike and googled three bike stores within a five minute car ride of my house... all on Ventura Blvd.

(above) One of the two local bowling alleys. This one
has a very fancy restaurant and is expensive.

With that in mind, I took a little bike ride up Ventura Blvd recently to get a feel for some of the businesses nearby. I've already talked about the overabundance of weed shops and nail salons. Add to that, a bowling alley, a diner, a place where all the illegal alien dudes wait for work, a chinese foot massage place (not chinese massage, chinese FOOT massage), three skateboard shops, restaurants (Mexican, Italian, Thai, Indian, Morroccan, & Jack in the Box-ian), a beer making store, a store with beer, a cheese making shop, a wig shop, a carnival (yes, a carnival) and a website (yes, a website).


(above) the local "web site"

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