Iron Chef Woodland Hills - Rhodes vs. Rhodes

(Above) Creamy Twice-Baked Potato from Jack

(Below) Two-Cheese Freedom Fries from son William.

The winner: Son William. [Notice Dora the Explorer in the background]

It was too hot to go outside and we were bored from watching TV. Solution: Iron Chef Woodland Hills. Rhodes boy #1 versus Rhodes boy #2 in "Battle Potato". Each son had thirty minutes to create one dish based upon today's secret ingredient, the Russet potato.

Jack and sous-chef Dad busted out with a Creamy Twice Baked Potato. William and sous-chef Jordan answered back with a batch of Two-Cheese Freedom fries.

The judging was based upon taste... presentation... and use of the secret ingredient. Once tallied, the scores were close, but the win went to Son #1 and his cheesy french fry. Which goes to show you that when you fry something and add cheese to it, you're always going to be in the game! Nice work team...

My Records - David + David "Boomtown"

This is one of my 'cool-guy' albums I bought back in 1987 sometime. I seem to remember this clearly because the big song 'Boomtown' was all over the radio down in Virginia. This is one of those albums that when I hear it very much reminds me of a time and place. I worked for exactly one year to the day at WHSV-TV 3 in Harrisonburg, VA right out of college. It was my first real job and my first TV job. I made literally peanuts ($4.25 per hour) and was somehow able to scrape a living. I had this tiny little one bedroom joint ($225 per month) that I could not afford and my car kept breaking down. For all that and many reasons, I bought David + David "Boomtown". Like my year in H-burg, they were alas one-hit-wonders and have earned two white man overbites on the WMO jam scale. Oh, where are they now...

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 10 "Twinkie Movie"

The art of cinema has hit its zenith with this undiscovered gem. All hail, "Twinkie Movie" I like the end credit: "Funded by a grant from Continental Baking Corporation and Hostess Twinkies" Niiiiiice.

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 9 - Are You Ready For Some Football?
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 8 - The Road to Heaven
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 7 - Twinkie Factory
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 6 - The Twinkie Tree
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 5 - Patriotic Twinkie Pie
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 4 - More Recipes
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods

Football - Proper Game Watching Attire

(Above) Jeff's new Ravens shirt for the season.

With the coming of the NFL season, it is not only important to make sure the ol' satellite bill is paid up and NFL Ticket is good and ready to go, but it is important to have one's wardrobe in shape. As a long-distance Ravens fan, I have very few opportunities to bond with my fellow fans in the world's largest outdoor insane asylum and show my proper colors. In fact, unless you are talking USC, Southern California isn't much for football. Ask anybody around here if they were upset that the Rams left for St. Louis and the most common answer is, "the Rams used to play in LA?"

In order to make Sunday's that much more special, I find it fun and fabulous to don my full Ravens gear while watching on television. We usually TiVo the games so we can go to church (west coast means mostly 10:00am games for me) which isn't a problem because nobody around here cares and nobody will spill the beans. I of course triple check the recording before leaving the house, nothing worse than no recording, then game time!

This year, my brother so kindly sent me a Ravens hawaiian style shirt for those especially sticky days out here. [Note: there are no sticky days in SoCal]. But I'll be wearing it anyway. Now all I need are a pair of purple Ravens Jack Purcell sneakers and the look will be perfect. Let the battles begin...

Jack Purcell's - Sneaker of the Beatles

I was browsing the magazine rack recently on my whirlwind trip through mysterious Indianapolis when I happen to glance at the latest cover of Rolling Stone and much to my delight caught a glimpse of those tell-tale smiley faced Jack Purcell's. That's right, none other than Beatle George Harrison is sporting a well-worn pair of all white canvas Jack Purcell's in this band photo on the cover (see close-up below). End Jack Purcell geek-alert.

First Day of School - Plaid Patrol

Ah, the first day of school has arrived. Time for the boys to rip the tags off of those new clothes and pull those shiny new shoes out of the boxes and hit the books! This is indeed a happy time of the year for parents as the kids get a new dose of reality. For two months now, they've slept until eleven, eaten like horses and lounged about the house. We love having them around, of course, but let's be honest... they've been driving us crazy with all the racket. The dirty rooms... the smells... It's time to get back to work.

The best part, the event that let's you know that school is really back in session, is the annual 'first day of school' picture. Every kid gets them taken. Every kid has a collection of these from years gone by. From looking through these 'first day' pictures, you can trace a strange history of fashion from the wide belts and bell bottoms of my first grade picture, through these goofy plaid shorts that they all seemed to be wearing today.

So to all the kids I offer my condolences and to all of the parents I offer this toast, "Cheers, to the most wonderful time of the year!"

My Records - Bruce Hornsby & The Range "The Way It Is"

This is a very special album in the J-Rho record collection for a couple of reasons.

1. Bought this down in Virginia when I was working my first tv job, Bruce Hornsby was from Virginia, I knew some people who knew him, it all seemed kind of special at the time.

2. It was the last album I bought.

That's right, I switched to CD's right after this point so there had to be a last album and this was it. I never really got into the album per se, but it being the last purchased album it holds a special place in my heart as the end of the record buying era. I of course started buying CD's like mad and kept playing my albums but this was the last one. I can be nostalgic about such things, but I don't recall thinking much about it at the time.

1 White Man Overbite on the WMO jam scale. It would rank much higher of the WMO had to do with pianos instead of guitars.

Football Week - Rhodes Boys

I'm sure I'll have more football stuff this season, but I wanted to finish football week with the Rhodes Boys. I'm proud to report that all eligible Rhodes boys are either playing full-contact or flag football this season. The only exception is my two year old who is currently not eligible even though I forged his birth certificate to make him seem six years old.

My oldest is returning to the gridiron playing flag football along with son #3 and my nephew. Son #2 is playing full-contact on a travel team and is deep into his third week of practice.

The highlight last season was an oddity of the Rhodes clan: one of us scored a touchdown... on purpose!

ABOVE: Jack Rhodes (#99 to the left) lines up at fullback.

The play is ACE RHODES LEFT.

BELOW: The snap of the ball, the lines surge together.

ABOVE: Jack is grabbed in the backfield by #55 (in the middle).

He starts dragging the kid into the end zone.

BELOW: Jack is finally tackled but he falls forward. Is it enough?

ABOVE: Touchdown!

The story: Son #2 Jack played offensive and defensive line (per family tradition). It was his first year of organized ball in many years and he was doing pretty well in the trenches. One Friday night, I pick-up my son from his pre-game walk-through and he tells me, "Dad, they put in a play for me. Short yardage. As a running back." I was skeptical. After further questioning, I learned the play was called ACE RHODES LEFT and the coach only had two instructions: don't fumble and get one yard. This play has never been practiced and it was put in the night before the game. Yikes.

The next morning, I bring my camera to the game. Sometime in the second quarter, I noticed a 3rd and short. Before I could get my camera out, ol' #99 is lined up at fullback. Hut, hand-off, loss of one yard. Crap! I missed the shot and he lost a yard. The coach is never gonna run the play again and I missed it!

Third quarter. The Eagles are driving the ball and get close to the goal line. Since the last run was a failure I feel like the odds of running ACE RHODES LEFT are slim at best. But I decide to run down to the sideline with the camera just in case. The ball is at the one yard line. Jack Rhodes lines up at fullback. Yes!!!! I start snapping pictures.

Hand-off, dive, trip, fall. The big, fat referee walks slowly, slowly, slowly to where my son lays on the ground. Finally, with all of the energy his fat body can muster, the referee raises his hands. Touchdown!

A Rhodes has scored a touchdown in a real, regular season, sanctioned game. Despite losing every game that season, to quote my son, "It wasn't all that bad." Indeed.

Football Week - Baltimore Stallions - CFL Football in B-More

Though they are but a footnote these days, there was once a time that professional football in Baltimore had neither the Colts nor the Ravens. For a funny window of time, the Canadian Football League had a team in Baltimore, Maryland. That's right, Canadian football came to America.

It was also an interesting window in my life. Growing up, I always had this plan that as soon as I graduated from college and got my first job, I was going to buy season tickets to the Baltimore Colts. Well... during college, the Colts moved to Indianapolis and thus began my years of football darkness. For nearly ten years, I had no team (I refused to adopt the Redskins or any other NFL team). Then, the Canadians came to town!

The team itself was a debacle all on it own (SEE HERE). But the interesting part for me was that the Stallions served as our tailgate training ground for the future Ravens seasons. Highlights of the Stallions years:

1) We all got season tickets together.

2) We started to develop our various rude cheers.

3) Mr. Bobe's big, blue horn.

4) My brother sneaking down on the sidelines during a game with the horn.

5) Winning the Grey Cup.

These two seasons were memorable because it got the feeling of football back in the blood and made the whole Ravens thing that much more special when it finally happened. It was during this time that I got married so there are good memories of our old pals in blue.

"First down, for your Baltimore CFL...(pause)" crowd screams... "Colts!"

Football Week - Glory Days 2 "Interior Line"

In my never-ending uncool series about my high school glory days, I would be remiss if I did not mention my compadres on the Calvert Hall offensive line. We went by many names: "Homecoming Wrecking Crew", "Interior Line", "Argh", and a few others I'm sure I'm forgetting.

In a bid to build a little unity for what we felt was an unappreciated unit, we came up with the idea of the interior line symbol (from trigonometry class). We started off by taping the symbol to the front of our helmets right on the front above the face mask. I was sure that coach Miceli would make us take 'em off as soon as he saw them, but he seemed to get a kick out of it so we kept them on there. Eventually, Coach Konka bought us some hats and Coach Lamb bought us some shirts and the whole thing kind of took on a life of its own.

We all pitched in and bought an ad in the Calvert Hall/Loyola game program, talked our interior line trash, and had a fun senior year.

Football Week - Electric Football

Has anything ever been more overrated than electric football? It has nothing to do with football and everything to do with absolute randomness. The fact that it is even called a 'game' is quite silly to me. It is equivalent to throwing a deck of playing cards into the air and tallying the 'result'.

For anyone who doesn't know, electric football is a throwback game for us late 1960's/1970's kids. Prior to Madden, this was how you did the home football thing. Basically, you arranged you men on the field, stuck a piece of cotton in the runners hand, and turned on the electricity. That's right, you plugged a big piece of metal into a wall socket. Then, electricity surges through a motor which vibrates the playing surface and makes a horrible electrical sound. Then, all the players on the board start bobbing up and down and move in random directions. Hopefully, the blockers 'block' and hopefully the runner:

a) Runs
b) Runs in the right direction
c) Runs without being touched by an opposing player.

When I was a kid, I was always disappointed when I played. It was definitely a more of an imagination type game than a real game. Despite all that, I was still kind of nostalgic for it when I saw one online. My number 3 son got it into his head that he wanted one, so he spent his allowance money and bought an old one off eBay. Once it arrived, within two minutes, he was thoroughly bored and within thirty seconds I was reminded of how lame electric football is.

The buzzing noise from the game was so loud, my wife thought we were getting electrocuted. That was the extent of our fun.

Football Week - Glory Days 1 "Football Letters"

I've been trying not to go the 'old high school football' glory days route, but I can't seem to contain myself this week. I think we have the rest of the clan talked into flag football so that will mean 5 Rhodes boys playing some form of football this fall. So in the uncool spirit of Al Bundy (does anybody remember him?) I will recount some of that old glory...

If one is lucky enough in high school, one gets on the recruitment mailing list. Once gotten on, a young high school senior is in his glory. Letters from all over the nation from people I've never met saying that they want ME to help them win the national championship. Now even then, I had no illusions that I was the missing piece in any national championship run. I always had a sinking feeling that if they ever really met me, then I was a dead duck. So for the most part, I filed the letters in a three ring binder, bragged to my friends, and waited for the inevitable let-down.

I got the most letters from the biggest schools. Again, not because of my abilities, but I suppose because their mailing budget was bigger.

I finally got a few visits, started to get a good feel for where my abilities could take me, and went from there. All leading up to the terror that would be my short stay at the United States Military Academy. That of course, is another uncool post altogether...

My Records - Def Leppard "Pyromania"

I bought Def Leppard "Pyromania" during my college record buying spree. This album of course was purchased only after ascertaining whether or not there would be enough hit songs to justify purchase. When I bought this album, I was always a little wary about whether or not Def Leppard was cool enough. I remember running into a friend of mine at White Marsh Mall when I bought the album. Here I am coming out of the music store with an album and Tony Migliore is like, 'hey, what do you have there?' I recall feeling uneasy that I was buying an uncool album but I fessed up and showed it to him. I don't recall him rolling his eyes.

Anyway, I really liked it then and it hasn't really aged all that much for me. In fact, if they ever come out with a Def Leppard 'Guitar Hero' I'm all over it because Def Leppard is really a definitive band in terms of the White Man Overbite. They seemed to have been invented for just such a purpose. How can you not love a song entitled "Rock! Rock! (Till You Drop)".

The big song I really liked off this album was the hit "Photograph" though I'm still partial to "Rock of Ages".

3 1/2 white man overbites on the WMO jam scale (high praise from J-Rho).

By the way, this is pre-drummer-getting-arm-chopped-off which of course is very rock 'n roll!

Uncool Hollywood Report 6 - August 12, 2009 - Jeff's M.O.

Jeff's Cool-Guy Football Shrine

I keep every little shred of everything so of course I'm going to keep all of my football stuff. To quote Al Bundy, "I used to play a little high school football" and I have the hundreds of shreds of papers and photos to prove.

I've got pictures of playing football as a kid and a copy of the rosters. From high school, I've got newspaper articles, old jerseys, hats, buttons, pictures, souveniers, and programs.

I've got a bunch of crap from my post high school, football-watchin phase which includes a ton of stuff from the Baltimore CFL Stallions and of course my beloved Ravens. I love football and the best time of year is off to a great start!

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 9 "Are You Ready for Some Football?"

With the opening of the NFL and college (and little league!) football season, I thought it time to bust-out the debut of Twinkie Stadium. With a nacho cheese field and Cheetos in the stands, the Slim Jims for goalposts, what's not to like/love/fantasize about in this stupendous creation? I can feel my heart seizing up already.

I love this picture, it's like a train wreck! It's so right and so wrong in so many ways. Enjoy...


Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 8 - The Road to Heaven
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 7 - Twinkie Factory
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 6 - The Twinkie Tree
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 5 - Patriotic Twinkie Pie
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 4 - More Recipes
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods

Volvo Station Wagon - Needs a Good Home

It saddens me beyond belief but I need to put the ol' Volvo station wagon up on the trading block. It sits quite a bit these days as I build my empire from the comfort of my fabulous Woodland Hills garage laboratory and need to trim the ol' fat in the family budget.

We've been on many adventures together over the years. Drove it through the desert to Las Vegas, to the real desert for a video shoot, to the beach and everywhere in between. It seems like only yesterday I was fleeing a gang shooting, weaving in and out of the homeless guys on skid row, or squeezing it in between two Hummers in Calabasas. Ah, the fun we had...

Anyway, she's for sale if interested... 1998, 138,000 miles, four new tires, tan interior, take a look here

Uncool Hollywood Report 5 - August 5, 2009

Book of the Week - "Thunderball" by Ian Fleming

I picked up Ian Fleming's "Thunderball" at a yard sale last week for fifty cents. Interestingly enough, the original price on the cover from 1962 was fifty cents so the book held its value!

This is a James Bond book and I've never read one of those before. I was surprised how different it felt. It opens with Bond hung-over from a late night game of bridge. Bridge? He was at work at his office doing paperwork when he gets called into M's office. Paperwork? Who knew James Bond had a desk...

Anyway, M thinks Bond is smoking too much and needs to go to a health spa for a week to eat healthy food and get better. For real? Not as the beginning to a mission but just to dry out and avoid bridge games with those whacky old ladies at the garden club. Sheez. Of course, things get crazy after that but James Bond felt so much like a loser in this book. I just thought being a cold-hearted killer would be a bit more fun.

But at 183 pages, its hard to get mad when you're in and out of the story lickety-split. If anybody wants to borrow it, let me know...

Sports Equipment Graveyard

With the youth football kicking into high gear, I had make sure my #2 son had his proper equipment. Before hitting the sporting goods store, we took a visit to the Rhodes sports equipment graveyard. With four boys enjoying varying degrees of sports, it seems like we have everything. Laying everything out, I calculated I could do the following (this is no exaggeration):

1) Depending upon the sizes, I have enough gear to equip five hockey players. Excluding skates, I could field a squad of eight.

2) I have six pucks, equipment to repair skates and tools to tie the shoes.

3) Youth golf clubs

4) Tennis rackets, badminton, croquet, horseshoes, and tether ball

5) Balls, balls, balls and balls

6) Four sets of boxing gloves, a heavy bag and wraps.

7) Hand weights,

8) Three scooters (sold two already), five bikes, two boogie boards, and a surfboard.

9) Gloves and mitts.

10) Football cleats, soccer cleats, and baseball cleats.

Ah, the joy of boys...

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 8 "The Road to Heaven"

As we begin this day of worship and reveling in the word of God, my thoughts go to the road to Heaven. It is of course paved with Twinkies...

Oooooooo I love Twinkies.

Twinkies, thy golden sponge all soft
Thy creamey goo all sweet and smooth.
The golden path guides me
For I am wont to move.

-Emerson

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 7 - Twinkie Factory
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 6 - The Twinkie Tree
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 5 - Patriotic Twinkie Pie
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 4 - More Recipes
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods