Hollywood Handbook - "The Prince" by Machiavelli

I was talking with a Hollywood honcho friend of mine who suggested I read Machiavelli's "The Prince". Since I am most keenly interested in taking over Hollywood, I decided I'd keep my eye out for the book. Being exceedingly cheap, I decided not to buy the book from the bookstore (taking over Hollywood would have to wait for a sale) but lucked upon it at a local yard sale where I picked it up for a mere 20 cents. Apparently, it didn't help the person who was selling it.

After carefully reading the book, be warned, I now have the knowledge to take over Hollywood. Here's what I learned:

1. It's useful to build a fortress or castle but only if you have the love of the people.

2. I should live in my capitol city if I wish to attain the love of the people.

3. If I attack another city, make sure it doesn't have the protection of the church.

I realized I was approaching this all the wrong way. I was under the impression that I'd need to sell a script or get some kind of lucky break, but Machiavelli has convinced my otherwise. Applying what I learned, I've devised a three-pronged strategy for taking over Hollywood:

Strategy #1 - Raise an army through false promises, threats, and bribery. Deploy them in a line stretching from Santa Monica Blvd, up La Brea, ending at the base of the Hollywood sign. Since Hollywood is under the protection of no church, I should be safe.

Strategy #2 - It is better to be feared than loved, so I will be mean to everyone and demand tribute even when it isn't due. But by actually living in the Capitol Records building, I will share in their grief and attain their love.

Strategy #3 - I will build a fort on Sunset near Doheny (escape route through Beverly Hills).

Twenty cents down the drain...

Improper Use of a Piano

So we are able to snag a piano for the the living room. Nothing like a little music tinkling through the house or the strains of one of the boys struggling through Mozart or the sounds a new player making their first chords.... No.

The piano has long since become a big wooden piece of space that has totally taken up a huge chunk of living room that serves no useful purpose. Learning to play: no interest. The only one who has shown even the slightest interest is my 2-year old (who actually sounds like he's making a crude form of music - see below) but rest could care less. Until recently...

Now, the piano serves as a base of operations for the toy army brigade. Rocket launchers and helicopters sit where brilliant sheet music should be residing. Instead of sweet Christmas carols, I hear the BANG, WHAM, BOOM of simulated kid army play.

"Please, Father. Get us a piano. We'll learn to play. We'll practice everyday." Yeah, right. Tell it to your commander at military school...