Friday, October 30, 2009

The Most Complicated Toilet in Existence


My toilet started experiencing technical difficulties several weeks ago. The problem: proper flushing. It was the weirdest issue. You'd flush it once and nothing would happen. You'd have to wait for it to fill-up, then flush it again for it to work properly. This toilet was never normal. It was one of those toilet that when you flushed, it was so powerful and fast and quick that you knew it wasn't a normal set-up. I was afraid that if anything were to be 'left behind' during a flush cycle, there would be major medical problems.

After weeks of hemming and hawing, I decided to try and fix the toilet. I opened it up and found this. No water. No flapper. No big ball I could adjust. I found something that looked to be an Apollo era rocket engine pump. It is called the Flushmate and here is what I found out:





That's right, my toilet comes with technical charts, graphs, studies, data, theories, and upgrades. In other words, it is going to be very expensive to fix.

I was able to track down the proper "cylinder mechanism" at Home Depot for a mere $60 (even the lady at the checkout said, "Wow, $60 dollars for that?"). I installed the cylinder mechanism using the fifteen-step procedure I was able to locate on the internet. I turned on the water, repressurized the main tank, balanced the ph, adjusted the plunger spring apparatus, re-initialized the matter/anti-matter chamber, rebooted the software, calibrated the exhaust manifold and recharged the main tank.

It still doesn't work right. I found if I hold my finger over against the threads where the cylinder meets the tank, I can get it to recharge after two or three semi-flushes. All to flush a simple toilet.

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Monday, October 26, 2009

Happy Birthday Nicholas!












Born three years ago today. Tomorrow is the three year anniversary of when we met him and brought him home from the hospital! The most perfect, rottenest, smelliest, cutest kid you'll ever see.

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Monday, October 19, 2009

Friday, October 16, 2009

Uncool Cooking Audition - The Lost Tapes


I've sent in my audition video for Next Food Network Star and fully expect to never hear anything back... ever. Technically, I'm still in the running but am having my doubts.

As part of the process, we are to send in a 3-minute audition tape to give the judges a look at our on-camera skills and our personality. The rules were pretty clear: no music, no fancy editing, no tricks. They basically want the camera to stay on you the whole time for this demo. If this were a real piece, I would have wanted cut-a-ways, etc., but that is not what they wanted. There is no music and it is pretty dry. Plus, I would have mic'd myself if this were real but didn't want it to look 'too' professional (they didn't want professional).

My first demo was really, really long and I tried to edit it down to three minutes without trickery but it looked a little choppy to me. I finally said the heck with it, re-set up the camera and shot another demo using a simpler recipe that I could finish in three minutes. I rehearsed, I had a stop watch on the counter and practiced a couple of times. This was the second or third take.

I finally decided to send in the first video (even though it was a little long) because I thought it showed my personality much better, it was a little clearer about my food knowledge, and I had better eye contact with the camera. For this second one, I was so concerned about the three minutes that I'm looking down the whole time. Plus the food I made was pretty gross.

Once my rejection from Food Network becomes official, I'll post the other video.

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Jack Purcell Video Review Leather Whites


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Teaching on the internet today is very exhausting. Staring at my idea wall while I jabber with a headset on.

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Friday, October 2, 2009

Hollywood Handbook - "The Prince" by Machiavelli


I was talking with a Hollywood honcho friend of mine who suggested I read Machiavelli's "The Prince". Since I am most keenly interested in taking over Hollywood, I decided I'd keep my eye out for the book. Being exceedingly cheap, I decided not to buy the book from the bookstore (taking over Hollywood would have to wait for a sale) but lucked upon it at a local yard sale where I picked it up for a mere 20 cents. Apparently, it didn't help the person who was selling it.

After carefully reading the book, be warned, I now have the knowledge to take over Hollywood. Here's what I learned:

1. It's useful to build a fortress or castle but only if you have the love of the people.

2. I should live in my capitol city if I wish to attain the love of the people.

3. If I attack another city, make sure it doesn't have the protection of the church.

I realized I was approaching this all the wrong way. I was under the impression that I'd need to sell a script or get some kind of lucky break, but Machiavelli has convinced my otherwise. Applying what I learned, I've devised a three-pronged strategy for taking over Hollywood:

Strategy #1 - Raise an army through false promises, threats, and bribery. Deploy them in a line stretching from Santa Monica Blvd, up La Brea, ending at the base of the Hollywood sign. Since Hollywood is under the protection of no church, I should be safe.

Strategy #2 - It is better to be feared than loved, so I will be mean to everyone and demand tribute even when it isn't due. But by actually living in the Capitol Records building, I will share in their grief and attain their love.

Strategy #3 - I will build a fort on Sunset near Doheny (escape route through Beverly Hills).

Twenty cents down the drain...

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Thursday, October 1, 2009

Hollywood Gigs - Shopping with Coins!


Times are lean these days in the 'wood. If you don't have a regular gig to see you through the tough times, it's getting harder and harder to live the Hollywood dream. I'm lucky that I have a regular gig right now but there's always pros and cons to the regular gig.

The problem with the regular gig is it's not quite enough. Don't get me wrong, it's great and I'm blessed and very lucky and thankful to have my regular gig, but the economy is such that my regular gig gets me about 80% there. Which brings me to one of my favorite topics: shopping with coins!

Sometimes it gets to the point right before pay-day that you need that one more gallon-o-milk to feed masses (usually on a Thursday). Remember, I have four boys (two man-child's, one big boy, one bottomless toddler), two nephews, nine neighbors, and some dude I've never seen before rolling through here consuming food and destroying property. That's when I break out the coins.

That's right, I've gone to the grocery store with a cup full of coins, head held high, to pick-up that loaf of bread, peanut butter and/or spaghetti sauce to make until Friday. The big decision arrives when its time to pay. You have three choices:

a) Go through the regular line and stand their uncomfortably while the cashier counts $40 worth of nickles.

b) Go through the self-serve line and feed $40 worth of nickles into the coin slot.

c) Drop your coins into the coin counter machine, lose a $3 fee and only buy $37 worth of groceries.

Pride usually prevents option A. The grocery store workers her in SoCal are a miserable lot. If its not too crowded, I go with B. Usually, I chicken-out and go with C.

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