Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 7 "Twinkie Factory"

Talk about dream job! Trains and conveyor belts full of twinkies. Oh, yeah...

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 6 - The Twinkie Tree
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 5 - Patriotic Twinkie Pie
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 4 - More Recipes
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods

Exclusive! J-Rho Has Water in Ear

In an ongoing bid to keep you intimately informed about the minutae that is Jeffrey Rhodes, I feel it is important to let you know that I have water in my left ear.

I don't particularly like swimming but I got a burr up my butt and went swimming two days in a row. Now I have water in my ear and I can't hear anything (which isn't necessarily bad with a house full of kids and cars that make funny noises I am choosing to ignore).

With a concoction of drops and alcohols, I now look like a seven year old with an ear ache as I run around the house with cotton in my ear.

More information as it becomes available...

Stuff I Keep - Pt. 3 - Sports Tickets

I honestly really, really, really thinned things out before I moved to California five years ago, but still I stumble across more 'Stuff I Keep'. It really is not very cool to keep everything you may run across but then again I stopped worrying about cool many moons ago. Case in point...

I keep the ticket stubs from sporting events. Growing up in Baltimore, all the biggies happened at Memorial Stadium so I found this book full of ticket stubs with arrows pointing to where I sat for each of event. A friend of mine from work had given me this cool picture of old Memorial Stadium so I naturally kept it and put it to good use.

Looking through this book, I realized I had season tickets to the Orioles (with my friend Steve Weinstein, Section 13, row 9, seat 16 - first row on the wall, right on the aisle). I had season tickets to the Baltimore CFL Stallions (Section 12 Low, row 24, seat 19 - About the 40 yard line with Larry & Brian Leonardi, Tony Weis, John Donatelli, and Brian Kemp). Also, the first couple of years of the Baltimore Ravens (U11, row 32, seat 14 - with Larry Leonardi & Brian Kemp - nosebleeds extreme).

Though I complain, I really like the stuff I keep. Don't tell anyone...

Football Seats

(Above) A three panel picture from my old Memorial Stadium
seats at the Ravens games. (Below) Another three panel view
of my seats at Ravens Stadium.

Found some old pictures of my seats at the Ravens games. As a kid, through college, my 'manhood' gift to myself, one of the first things I was going to do was buy season tickets to the Baltimore Colts. Unfortunately, they bolted town during my Freshman year and I about never recovered.

I had season tickets for a few years at the CFL Stallions games but the real fun kicked-up when the Browns moved to Baltimore. Here are the views from my two sets of seats.

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art

I'm a big believer that all things in life somehow relate back to Twinkies. So it stands to reason that much of the best art of the past 100 years are a reflection of a love for this most perfect and delicate pastry. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway... enjoy.

(Above) "Why?" Was it death or something else that caused
the insane notion of dropping a half-eaten Twinkie.
"A Study in Gold" (below) from the Museum of Historical Pastry.

The famous "Blue Twinkie" exhibit (above).

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods

Father's Day Recap

Picked-up some nice swag on Father's Day 2009. I have particularly embraced Father's Day because it is one of the several days per year I give myself permission to be lazy and be non-diplomatic. As the pater-familia, I find I spend a great deal of time offering solutions, negotiating and being the judge on multiple little trials. On Father's Day, not only is it acceptable to NOT do those things, it is required.

On Saturday, I hit Hollywood video and went through their previously viewed section. Being that they were having a buy 2, get 2 special, I was able to snag some movies for the first time in a while: "Pineapple Express", "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", "Quantum of Solace" and "Tropic Thunder".
On Sunday morning, I began the day by sleeping-in. Generally, I am the first up these days but not on Father's Day. Then, a manly bacon & eggs breakfast (above). Generally, I cook pancakes and make a couple of eggs for myself, but as part of the festivities, the entire feast was cooked for me and we stomach achingly yummy.
This was followed by the presentation of the gifts. I received my customary and quite enjoyed handmade cards and gifts. My youngest brought home his first 'made in school' gift and it now serves as my latest pencil can. My second youngest got creative and pulled together a very well-crafted multi-media card and keychain.

Then the family drove to the Saugus Raceway outdoor swap meet and I bought myself a grill scraper.

Father's Day Strategy

As one gets older, the pleasures of life become much simpler. When I was a kid, I'd watch my Dad or my uncles take weekend naps and I'd be flabbergasted at the utter waste of time. I'd be like, 'they have money and power, why are they sleeping?'. As a kid, you can't wait to have a job and your own place so you could buy every toy you ever wanted. Then, once you are old enough to get that job and that place, you no longer really want those toys and you have to start buying crud you don't necessarily want like garden hoses, mulch, and wood putty.

The years roll on and I find myself saying words I never thought I'd say as a kid, "Just get me some new underwear for Christmas. New underwear would be fabulous". The sad part is, I really think new underwear is fabulous.

Which brings us to Father's Day. Father's always have stuff to do. There's always cars to wash and stuff to fix, and kids to spend time with, and wives to paint rooms for, everything is never really 'done'. Naps are desired but there's just no way to take them guilt free when there is so much to do. That's why there's two days a year when naps aren't just allowed, they are expected: birthday & Father's day.

Dad's like Father's Day because they get to sleep (note: a friend of mine, a young father, recently told me 'I used to think you were crazy talking about those Father's Day naps. Now that I have a kid, I know exactly what you were talking about.'). The kids like Father's Day because if I am sleeping, I am not yelling at them. Wives like Father's Day because if I am sleeping, I am not yelling at the kids.

So as part of the festivities, I get to sleep when I want, where I want and for as long as I want. The boys will make sure I have a fresh diet soda, they make sure the fan is plugged in and working, and my wife keeps the youngest from jumping on my head while I'm asleep. Ahhhhhhhh....

Then, I'll open my gift and put on a fresh, crisp pair of tighty-whitey underwear. Perfection.

Desk Shot

Every tech-movie has a geeky guy in his mom's basement with a bank of computers so they can 'hack' into the defense network (in about 12 seconds) and do some plot driven action.

It is in full Uncool humbleness that I look at my desk and go, uh-oh, I may be be just like them. I'm out in in my garage for many more hours than I'd care to admit. I have not one but two computers running and I feel that isn't nearly enough. I have wires and cables strung throughout. I have the ability to ramp-up to a full-blown in-house network pretty fast. I've got editing software and green screen fabric lying around, I've got a bunch of cameras and a pile of scripts. My nephew came over and we shot more goofy YouTube clip footage.

I noticed that there's a certain group of people in our field (editors, night crew, telecine folks) who become so attached to their gear because of the nature of their jobs that they get a certain look in their eyes. A certain disconnection with the ol' world-a-rama.

I've been looking at these screens too much! Time to interact with other humans...

...and I'll get to that as soon as I check my email, update the blog and check on a little research.

Stuff I Keep - Pt. 2 - Goofy Plastic Caps

As I've stated many times before, if I'm alone these many years hence when I pass from this planet, the executors of my estate are going to find so much illogical crud in my house. My latest obsession: these plastic caps on the end of shipping tubes. I've been working on a project where I've gotten a lot of poster sized paper sent to me, so it has been sent to me in those cool shipping tubes. Being a super-goober of Uncool proportions, I just can't throw away the shipping tubes and plastic caps, I MUST KEEP THEM!

I am proud to say, that the shipping tubes themselves have been re-purposed nicely. A goodly portion of them became toy bazooka guns for the kids (used, abused, thrown away). I also used a bunch of them to organize the kids' hockey sticks (see below). I was pretty proud of that one.

However, that leaves these goofy plastic caps. What to do with them? Game pieces for some future board game me and the boys will invent one Saturday night? Perhaps they can be the buttons or knobs of some robot costume this Halloween? Or the baubles of some necklace my youngest will make for his mothers' Christmas present?

I'm not sure either. I just know I have a hard time throwing away something that is perfectly good that can be used for something perfectly logical if I can only figure out what that may be.

So I hope that whomever goes through my final belongings and stumbles across a bag of plastic caps will find a good home for these highly useful... things.

Mad Magazine Monday - Subscription

One of the reasons I'm inordinately attached to my old Mad Magazines is because it was one of my first purchases using my own money. The more I thought about, the more I realized that a magazine subscription is one more thing showing my Uncool Hollywood age problem.

Modern tykes just don't think about or get the magnitude of a subscription. Today's kiddies have desire to see something, they go onto the internet. They want stats on a athlete, internet. Picture of rock star, internet. Preview of next month's Wolverine, internet. The internet killed baseball cards, stamp collecting, and newspapers.

When I was a youngster, you wanted information, you had to buy it at a news stand. Hobby magazines, sports magazines, business magazines, everything came from a magazine. When you are a kid, comic books were the only thing beyond cartoons. And of course, my beloved Mad Magazines.

It just so happened that my love of Mad Magazines coincided with my getting one of my first jobs as a paperboy (yikes, talk about aging yourself). Bottom line, I had dough in my pocket. Disposable, kid-income. My first purchase, a subscription to Mad Magazine. I no longer had to run up to the Woolworths (yikes, I'm aging myself again) or the Read's Drugstore (aging myself) in my dad's new Model-A Ford (just kidding) to see if a new Mad Magazine was ripe for purchase. I simply plucked down my $9.00 for 15 issues, mailed the cash (I don't remember doing it, but it had to have been cash), begged my mom for a stamp and an envelope and mailed it away to 485 MADison Avenue, New York, NY 10022.

Magically, ten weeks later, my first Mad Magazine showed up. They were protected by this plain brown paper (much like a grocery bag - aging myself) and were stickered shut. The coolest thing is seeing your name on the mailing label: Jeff Rhodes, 8926 Parlo Road, Balto MD 21236.

Wow. I'm a man.

TV Show - Future Episodes

Now that we have a TITLE, a LOG LINE, a THROUGH LINE, some CHARACTERS, for my proposed TV show about a steakhouse called Beefer's, let's sketch out some potential episodes.

Note: this is horribly first draft. Some ideas...

"The Showdown" - Herman is new to the job and already trouble is brewing when old loan sharks get wind of Herman's new job and demand payment. The interest is going to be paid by free dinners EVERY night. Hilarity ensues

"Mr. Simon's Finger" - When Mr. Simon loses his finger in the french fryer, the restaurant goes crazy trying find it before a customer stumbles upon it. Hilarity ensues.

"The Vegetarians" - Jack Beanstalk and his Veggie Warriors take the restaurant over, hold the staff hostage and make vegetarian demands upon the world. Hilarity ensues.

"The Grapes of Wrath" - A fruit truck arrives with a very persistent salesman with an offer everyone at the restaurant is afraid to refuse. Hilarity ensues

"The Salad Bar Affair" - The salad bar takes up an ungodly portion of the restaurant. Half of the items on there are unidentifiable expect for the names (that make no hint at what kind of food it is). When a new batch with new names arrives on the corporate truck, does it go on the salad bar or is it a new cleaning product?

TV Show - Log Line - Concept

The log line is a quick, one sentence summary of your new tv show. If you were in an elevator and you had about ten seconds to convey the idea, that is your log line:

"A mob boss by day, a suburban dad by night. Still not sure which is more dangerous" - The Sopranos.
"A team of high tech forensics experts solve the most heinous crimes in the worlds flashiest town" - CSI

You get the idea. The log line is what the show is about at the highest level, as short as possible and as descriptive as possible. Let's review what we know so far:

• The show takes place in a steak house
• The title of the show is going to be one of the following: Beef, Beefers, Beef Eaters, The Boiled & the Burned, Cuts, Meat, Meat Cleaver Fever, Steak, Steakhouse

Decision #1: For the time being, I'm going to call the show BEEFERS (as in that's the name of the restaurant). Obviously, subject to change at a later date, but Beefers it is for now.

College aged kid, recent graduate or drop-out. Or maybe a younger twenties guy, moved out west or down south for college (fish out of water), dropped out or failed out and really has no place to go. Or doesn't want to go home and pretends to be in college. He gets work at the steakhouse because his tuition check is gone or he's trying to pay it back and he somehow needs the money. He bluffs his way into a junior management position or some kind of shift leader or something with a little authority so that he interacts with lots of people in the restaurant and can either cause or be forced to resolve conflict. The restaurant should be fairly nice with an array of characters who are somewhat dysfunctional in a people sense. It is only supposed to be a temporary gig but he is cut-off from his money (and really has no other place to go) so he needs to work until he 'gets his crap together'.

(Not bad! All off the top of head, ol' stream o' conscious like)

Log line ideas:

1. A young man loses his college scholarship, gets kicked out of the house, and gets dumped by his girl. Solution: get a job at the non-tastyous steakhouse in all of Atlanta.
2. A young Phillly kid fails out of school, gets disowned by family, and dumped by his fiance. Solution: Con your way into a job at the cruddiest steakhouse in all of Dallas.
3. In one fateful night, a kid from Queens catches his girl with another guy, screws himself out of his college scholarship, and nearly burns down the entire University (under investigation). There's only thing to do: lay low for a few months at the nastyiest steakhouse in Memphis.
4. What happens in the kitchen of your local steakhouse, stays in the kitchen of your local steakhouse.

I'll have to think on it some more. Any suggestions?

TOMORROW: The through line. Detailed explanation of the setting, story arcs, and universe of the show.

TV Show - The Title, What Should It Be?

I kind of do things in a little strange way (what a surprise) and I find I get inspired if I can latch onto one little thing early on in a project to get the juices flowing. I love cooking and am a big fan of lots of cooking shows and have worked in a few restaurants or two in my day so my tv show idea takes place in a restaurant. Not any restaurant, but a steakhouse. So in my strange, backwards way, I'm going to work on the title of the show first. Of course, this could change, and if anybody buys the idea I'll change it to whatever the flip they want, but right now, here are some title ideas:

Beef
Beefers
Beef Eaters
Beef & Cigars
The Boiled & the Burned
Seared Meat
Fine Marbling
Cuts
Meat
Meet the Meat
Meat is Yummy
Meat Eaters
Meat Cleaver
Meat Cleaver Fever
Veggies are Murder
Steak
Steakhouse
Melted Butter

TOMORROW - The log line

TV Show - Idea Board

I have a very busy day and week earning on the main gig but I don't like to get too far out of the creative mode so I've decided to hit the ol' idea wall and see if I can't get one of these NOTES off the board. Like a lot of writers, I've got scraps of papers and half ideas all over the place.

Currently, I've got one feature idea I am fleshing out with another writer (which I am very excited about), I've got another idea I'm trying to get to the scripting stage (which is a cool idea if I can get some elements worked out), and I have two scripts in the revision stage (which means they are just about ready to hit the bottom of my desk drawer).

Being unproduced (in the big game) puts me in an interesting position shared by lots of us creative types. You really can't get a sniff until you've done something, and it's hard to do something without getting a sniff.

There are really only a couple of options:

1. Find a dude with some juice, interest them in your work, and partner with them as you try to sell work.

2. Doing something creative on your own (you know, like a blog, short film, YouTube crap, etc.), to get noticed and develop your own juice.

Since I am the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood and don't get to the club much or the health club much and since I work from the house and I don't bump into people much, my best strategy is develop my own juice.

So in between tasks on my highly important, supportive day gig, I will be developing an idea for a TV show I've been mulling for some time in hopes that some knucklehead in the industry may notice and take a meeting before some other knucklehead with more juice than me steals the idea and uses it for themselves. The plan is weak, but I want to get this idea off of the idea board and into my desk drawer pronto.

TOMORROW: I reveal the title of my newest television series idea. Hint: it's a comedy and it involves food.

My Records - Styx "Cornerstone"

Spinning through the old record collection and I picked up Styx "Cornerstone". This is one of those albums that in the big scheme of things only has one hit song that has stood the test of time "Babe". However, I can't stand "Babe". I couldn't stand "Babe" back then. In fact, I bought the Styx greatest hits a few years back and "Babe" is the only one I consistently skip. I'm not a "Babe" man. The other song on this album of that ilk is "First Time", but since it doesn't turn up on greatest hits or anywhere it is far less annoying.

I've always liked this album for the other less popular songs. "Lights", "Why Me", "Boat on a River" always fairly rocked for me which is why despite "Babe" and "First Time", I'm giving Styx "Cornerstone" 3 white man overbites on the WMO jam scale.

1st Annual Uncool Film Festival

Planning for the 1st Annual Uncool Film Festival is proceeding nicely. There is not much to announce yet but rest assured that this film festival will be unlike any ever seen. Right now, gauging by the feedback I've received from friends, family and other wise counsel, I anticipate participation will be in the low teens. Most of those people will be under the impression that they are attending a job fair (to fill-out the crowd), but it should look good in the publicity stills.

The website is coming together and that will be up shortly. Still trying to gauge how much to charge for entries, but I'm thinking that BYOB may be a more honest way of doing it. Bring your film, bring something to drink, I'll provide the weiners and buns, bring your own bathing suit and towel. My big screen TV should be big enough to accommodate the expected throng.

Tentative plans:

Uncool Grand Prize - The Uncoolest film or short film of the year. So far, the voting seems to be very clear that the short film 'Le Bougre' is the shoe-in (even though it is still unreleased). Still a ways to go but...

King Uncool Award - The filmmaker who displays the least amount of cultural, industry, and hipster presence during the 2008/2009 season. This individual embraces his/her inner Uncool in the pursuit of their Uncool art.

'Too Cool for School" Award - The coolest person we can name, hence, the least likely to attend the event.

Website and call for entries coming soon...

Woodland Hills - Lots of Trees

I may be the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood, but I actually live in the 'burbs (of course). A very nice place they call Woodland Hills. Home to the rich and famous (kinda and kinda).

There are lots of trees in Woodland Hills. I suppose that's part of the reasoning behind the name. I've read some history about it and apparently some dude planted lots of trees. But sheez, they're everywhere.

They even have trees in the middle of the street. There's this behemoth (pictured above) that they built the road around. There's a restaurant down the street with a tree growing right out of the manager's office.

So if you dig trees, I suppose Woodland Hills may be your place.

Plus, if you like rivers made of concrete running criss-cross through the neighborhood, you'd be in double-heaven (below).

Mixtape - GORnR

I found this Uncool mixtape I made for a party 25 years ago in college. I would say 'enjoy' but you probably wouldn't:

Side A
'Pressure' - Billy Joel
'Rage in the Cage' - J. Geils Band
'Turning Japanese' - Vapors
'Don't You Want Me' - Human League
'Flame Flower' - J. Geils Band
'Rock Lobster' - B-52's
Planet Claire - B-52's

Side B
'Where Were You' - Journey
'Hang Fire' - Rolling Stones
'The Spirit of Radio' - Rush
'Stop This Game' - Cheap Trick
'Hard to Say I'm Sorry' - Chicago
'Any Way You Want It' - Journey
'Satisfaction' - DEVO

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1

There is quite simply little that can compare to the classic Twinkie. The golden sponge cake, the creamy filling... it was a treat of my youth and it is still around today. Being extremely Uncool and not content to just buy Twinkies, I decided to make Friday May 15, 2009, "Jeff Loves Twinkies Day".

In honor of said day, I decided to make Twinkies from scratch and found this helpful recipe HERE on the internet. Hopefully, this is really a recipe for Twinkies and not some kind of explosive I am making:

Ingredients:

* Supplies:
* 1 round spice bottle, the size of a Twinkie
* 12 (12 x 14-inches each) pieces non-stick aluminum foil
* Pastry bag
* Toothpick
* Vegetable oil spray

* Cake:
* 16-ounce box golden pound cake mix
* 4 egg whites, beaten until stiff
* 2/3 cup water

* Filling:
* 1/3 cup vegetable shortening
* 2 teaspoons butter, at room temperature
* 1 cup powdered sugar
* 1/4 cup granulated white sugar
* 1/3 cup evaporated milk
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 2 drops lemon extract

Preparation:
Faux twinkie cakes: Fold each piece of foil in half with the nonstick side out. Then fold in half again. Roll foil pieces around the spice bottle to form a tube. Fold down edges to seal, leaving one end of the tube open to be filled with the batter. Remove the spice bottle. Spray the insides with vegetable oil and set each tube open-end-up in a muffin tray.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Beat cake mix, whipped egg whites, and water on medium speed until completely blended, about 2 minutes. Carefully fill the foil tubes, leaving 3/4-inch headspace. Bake about 30 minutes until golden and toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Let cakes cool, then remove foil. Use a toothpick to make 3 holes along the length of each cake. Wiggle the toothpick around the center to make room for the filling, taking care not to poke through to the other side.

Filling: Cream shortening and butter together in a medium bowl. With mixer running on medium speed, add powdered sugar and granulated sugar, a little at a time, until smooth. Add evaporated milk, vanilla, and lemon extract. Continue mixing until fluffy.

Spoon filling into a pastry bag with a No. 5 tip. Inject filling into each of the 3 holes in each faux twinkie cake and place hole-side-down on a serving platter or store in a covered container.

Yield: 12 faux twinkie cakes

I will report success or failure as soon as I come out of my sugar coma.

FIGHT! The Kids' Superhero Shortfilm

This what the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood does for fun when he is able to trick the kids into doing some acting. We created a fight scene for their BLAZER comic book and I was able to edit the stills together to show a quick scene. That's right, we make comic books together (some times). I think it's fun...

...and fun to watch at parties! (Note: Grandma wasn't very pleased with this. Note #2: They aren't really hitting each other, it's all pretend). Sheez.

Enjoy!