Hollywood Handbook - "The Prince" by Machiavelli

I was talking with a Hollywood honcho friend of mine who suggested I read Machiavelli's "The Prince". Since I am most keenly interested in taking over Hollywood, I decided I'd keep my eye out for the book. Being exceedingly cheap, I decided not to buy the book from the bookstore (taking over Hollywood would have to wait for a sale) but lucked upon it at a local yard sale where I picked it up for a mere 20 cents. Apparently, it didn't help the person who was selling it.

After carefully reading the book, be warned, I now have the knowledge to take over Hollywood. Here's what I learned:

1. It's useful to build a fortress or castle but only if you have the love of the people.

2. I should live in my capitol city if I wish to attain the love of the people.

3. If I attack another city, make sure it doesn't have the protection of the church.

I realized I was approaching this all the wrong way. I was under the impression that I'd need to sell a script or get some kind of lucky break, but Machiavelli has convinced my otherwise. Applying what I learned, I've devised a three-pronged strategy for taking over Hollywood:

Strategy #1 - Raise an army through false promises, threats, and bribery. Deploy them in a line stretching from Santa Monica Blvd, up La Brea, ending at the base of the Hollywood sign. Since Hollywood is under the protection of no church, I should be safe.

Strategy #2 - It is better to be feared than loved, so I will be mean to everyone and demand tribute even when it isn't due. But by actually living in the Capitol Records building, I will share in their grief and attain their love.

Strategy #3 - I will build a fort on Sunset near Doheny (escape route through Beverly Hills).

Twenty cents down the drain...

Uncool Hollywood Report 7 - September 2, 2009

Book of the Week - "Thunderball" by Ian Fleming

I picked up Ian Fleming's "Thunderball" at a yard sale last week for fifty cents. Interestingly enough, the original price on the cover from 1962 was fifty cents so the book held its value!

This is a James Bond book and I've never read one of those before. I was surprised how different it felt. It opens with Bond hung-over from a late night game of bridge. Bridge? He was at work at his office doing paperwork when he gets called into M's office. Paperwork? Who knew James Bond had a desk...

Anyway, M thinks Bond is smoking too much and needs to go to a health spa for a week to eat healthy food and get better. For real? Not as the beginning to a mission but just to dry out and avoid bridge games with those whacky old ladies at the garden club. Sheez. Of course, things get crazy after that but James Bond felt so much like a loser in this book. I just thought being a cold-hearted killer would be a bit more fun.

But at 183 pages, its hard to get mad when you're in and out of the story lickety-split. If anybody wants to borrow it, let me know...