Showing posts with label lust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lust. Show all posts

Monday, July 13, 2009

Happy Birthday Victoria


I wanted to wish Happy Birthday to the most beautiful girl in the entire world, Victoria Port Rhodes.

We met on March 13, 1992, were married on September 10, 1994, and have been inseparable ever since. We've had a tremendous adventure together so far and I can't imagine doing it with anybody else. She's the perfect wife, the perfect mother, and the best friend I've ever had. The adventure is only beginning...

I love you!

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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 4 - More Recipes

I've already identified the next gift I would like to receive at either Christmas/birthday/Father's Day, and that is the Twinkie making kit (above). It comes with the cake molds and the injector tools. This is all actually very doable with standard cooking gear, but the kit would be very nice indeed.

I've located some more interesting Twinkie recipes that I thought would be very vital to share. Twinkies are indeed the food of the Gods.

Nothing quite says 'Howdy-Do' quite like a Twinkie burrito (above). Good for anytime of day or as a late-night snack, the Twinkie burrito is a southwest favorite. Not for the faint of heart, I found another in the popular 'Twinkie-Henge" series, this one using bacon as the mortar (below). Beware, anyone in poor health or with any number of conditions may wish to avoid this particular variation. Not quite sure what kind of stew this is sitting-in but it looks quite foul... and oh, so delicious!


Oh sure, take a fancy picture and put strawberry's next to it, but you can't hide the fact that this our old favorite Twinkie pancakes (above). Not quite sure what this is called (other than yummy), but stick a series of cookies into a Twinkie and you end up with a bouquet of delight.

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods

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Monday, June 29, 2009

Behind the Scenes: 1,000,000 BC Production of "Evil Twin"

(Above) Jeff playing a little football toss with Jeff.  
(Below) Jeff  amuses Jeff between takes of 1,000,000 BC
Time to eat!  Jeff grills some burgers for Jeff 
during meal break for 1,000,000 BC 'Evil Twins' (below).


Hangin' out with my new best friends: me, myself and I.

As the song says, "We like the same clothes, we like the same shows, we like to go to bed at the same time..."  Fortunately, both Jeff AND Jeff were available the same day to shoot the latest Rhodes Boys production of 1,000,000 BC "Evil Twins", the grand finale of the 1,000,000 BC series.  

The creators are hinting that episode seven may be the last we see of the 'professor' and his 'assistant' for the near future.  "We've had at least 150, maybe 160 people watch 1,000,000 BC so it's time to rest the franchise," explains co-executive producer/caterer Jeffrey Rhodes.

Co-executive producer Jordan Rhodes was more succinct, "School starts soon."

Touche.

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

BET - Awards Tonight! My predictions


I have no idea who is going to win. I am completely unfamiliar with the nominees (for the most part). I have not been invited to any after-parties. With this in mind...

I predict I will NOT watch the BET awards, and that prediction WILL be correct.

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Time Travel 1,000,000 BC - Ep. 4 "Switcheroo"



Professor Jeffrey Rhodes and his young assistant/favorite nephew return to 1,000,000 BC to tempt fate and explore. But what happens this time to our present reality? WIll the professor be able to handle the most bizarre and all-encompassing change yet? And will anybody watch this clip?

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Farrah Fawcett 1947-2009


When I was a kid, she was Farrah Fawcett-Majors, the wife of Lee Majors, aka 'The Six Million Dollar Man'. My brother and I both had copies of this poster, but I was too embarrassed to post mine up, opting instead to cover my walls with Star Trek posters (Uncool starts early).

Oh, well... Every generation had a pin-up girl for when the the boys first realize they like girls. For us 70's punks, it was Farrah Fawcett-Majors!

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Football Seats

(Above) A three panel picture from my old Memorial Stadium
seats at the Ravens games. (Below) Another three panel view
of my seats at Ravens Stadium.
Found some old pictures of my seats at the Ravens games. As a kid, through college, my 'manhood' gift to myself, one of the first things I was going to do was buy season tickets to the Baltimore Colts. Unfortunately, they bolted town during my Freshman year and I about never recovered.

I had season tickets for a few years at the CFL Stallions games but the real fun kicked-up when the Browns moved to Baltimore. Here are the views from my two sets of seats.

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art


I'm a big believer that all things in life somehow relate back to Twinkies. So it stands to reason that much of the best art of the past 100 years are a reflection of a love for this most perfect and delicate pastry. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway... enjoy.

(Above) "Why?" Was it death or something else that caused
the insane notion of dropping a half-eaten Twinkie.
"A Study in Gold" (below) from the Museum of Historical Pastry.


The famous "Blue Twinkie" exhibit (above).


Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods

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Sunday, June 21, 2009

My Records - Hall and Oates "H20"


Happy Father's Day! Before I drift off for my traditional Father's Day Nap, I pulled out some old records and stumbled across Hall and Oates "H20". I've always had a theory about Hall and Oates that they had cut a deal with the devil to become famous. They'd always have like one or two monster hits on their albums, and the rest would be horrendous. It was like the devil gave them enough to get them famous, but let them write the rest of the songs on their own.

This was early 80's so it's about when they were really hitting their stride. They were famous by this time, tall moused hair, and in full devil mode. As usual, there were a couple of hits and the rest is really rough to listen to. "Maneater" and "One on One" and possibly "Family Man" were all written by Lucifer himself. They are catchy and the hooks stick in your brain like super glue. The rest is of the album... well, you know... nice try fellas.

As far as white man overbite scale goes, though these songs are catchy (at least those penned by you know who), they don't really elicit the WMO. But I can't deny their catchiness, so I am forced to award one white man overbite on the WMO jam scale. Being a Christian man, I feel it is my duty to now burn this album and forever banish it from the human record.

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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yard Sale Find of the Week!


Being the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood means that I don't do a lot of shopping at the trendy Melrose Avenue boutiques, Rodeo Drive or even the valet enshrined local malls. Jeff likes to hit the open road and troll the local yard sales.

I've talked quite a bit in the past about yard sales, but recent weekends have been chock full of yard sales here in the neighborhood. Ask an ye shall receive, I've been complaining lately about how all of my DVD's don't fit properly in my Ikea wall unit and could sure use another to completely hold everything. Voila! $5 bucks later, my DVD's are off the floor and in proper daddy order.

I'm thinking about painting to match but don't need to get too fancy!

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

My Records - Prince "1999"


In honor of my brother Tim's birthday (soon to be one of coolest dudes in Hollywood), I am posting one my old records that clearly is not Uncool, Prince "1999". Back in the day, this was my brothers record. I would not have plunked down the $6.99 plus tax that he plunked down because I saw no future in it. I was trying track down the latest Chiliwack album while he and his pals had it correct all along.

I remember when Tim and my friends Larry & Brian (not sure who else may have gone) bought tickets to see Prince with The Time and Vanity 6 down at the Baltimore Civic Center. I was, of course, horrified at spending my hard earned busboy money on such folly and immediately passed. They on the other hand have been telling the story of that concert for the past twenty five years.

What's not to like? A bunch of out and out classics like '1999', 'Little Red Corvette', 'Delirious', 'Lady Cab Driver', and 'All the Critics Love U in New York'. It was a double album. It was an album. Prince wrote with that crazy shorthand that everybody now uses to text. The cover had a penis (tee hee) right there in the middle!

The cover also looked like it was drawn on notebook paper between third and fourth period with magic markers and magazine clippings and is still very cool.

No white man overbites on this album, it is beyond my puny scale.

A friend of mine met Prince recently and had dinner at his house. Once again, I miss out on the Prince show and the twenty five years of a good story!

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Friday, June 12, 2009

TV Show - Characters

We've talked TITLE, we've talked LOG LINE, we've talked THROUGH LINE, now it is time to talk characters:

Beefers - Character Descriptions

Herman Halibut - An assistant manager at Beefer's Restaurant (who isn't very good at managing). He has the ability to succeed but is directionless and lethargic. To this point in life, he has been told what to do and what to think; he makes a complete break from all the forces that have been doing this to him. Instead of freeing him, the lack of direction leaves him lost. "Beefers" is the beginning of the road in his journey to become a complete and whole person.

Freddie - A cook at Beefer's Restaurant. He's worked at Beefer's for five years so he knows the ropes. He's dishonest but likeable. He's the instigator who starts trouble and watches from the sidelines as his schemes cause havoc. By virtue of his seniority and ability, he's been given the job of running the kitchen and is somewhat of a supervisor. He should have become a manager or some other higher position long ago but chose to stay back. In essence, he's the king of the restaurant.

Mr. Bob - Manager and franchise owner of Beefer's. The success of his restaurant has less to do with his competence than with hthe fact that the franchise has a can't lose formula. In fact, he has become so far removed frmo how to run the place, he doesn't even count the money at the end of the night. He primary job is keeping people employed. Evertytime somebody is hire, the staff either drvies them crazy or drives them out. Consequently, Mr. Bob has perfected the technique of getting aqt least one more night out of somebody who is clearly ready to quit.

Mr. Simon - Daytime cook at Beefer's. This crusty old man has worked at the restaurant longer than anyone. He's seen them all come, and he's seen them all go. he befriends no one. He discourages any contact with himself other than official work duties. Any other contact is bound to be met with a sharp tongue or an ever sharper knife.

Zip - Dishwasher at Beefer's. A young high school student who works nights at the restaurant. He's the lowest man on the totem pole, so he takes the most crap. He's not very bright and tends to laugh and giggle all the time. Unwise in the ways of the workd, he sees nohting wrong at laughing in your face about your problems. Yet his unforgiving honesty and untainted soul makes him the wisest person working there. His snippets of truth are the most revealing.

TOMORROW: Future episodes

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Thursday, June 11, 2009

TV Show - Through Line


What I've Decided Already:

Show Title: BEEFERS
Show Log line: All in one day, a young Philly kid fails out of school, gets disowned by family, dumped by his fiance, and runs a gambling debt beyond hope. Solution: Con your way into a job at the cruddiest steakhouse in all of Dallas and wait for the coast to clear.

Through Line - The through line is a longer explanation of what the story is about, the universe of show, story arcs and themes. This is you explanation of the show if someone were to sit you down and ask for some more details.

I'm trying to set up the story so that the main character is a fish out of water in a place he doesn't necessarily want to be but he has to stay. All that stuff in the log line about getting dumped and failing out do not have to be shown (and in fact will probably come out of the log line in the next draft) but I am trying to set-up the desperate nature of his plight. I like it when conflict comes about that forces a character through circumstance or changes to face something they would normally walk away from. They way to do that and make it somewhat funny (I believe) is to take this main guy and screw him into a set-up that he isn't comfortable with but must deal with anyway.

For the purpose of this posting, I am going to name the character Johnny Doe...

Johnny gets the job as the junior assistant manager at the Beefers Steakhouse in suburban Dallas by lying through his teeth about his restaurant qualifications. Not that the job required much in terms of restaurant qualifications, it seemed the hiring manager was more concerned about whether or not Johnny could "work Thursday night". Beefers is a small chain steak restaurant with about a dozen locations throughout Texas boasting an obvious western theme. The franchise nature of the restaurant means that most of the thought process has gone out of this business and its location makes it a nearly indestructable moneymaker despite the incompetence of everyone involved. It's one of those restaurants where you have a tray, you order your beef, load up on salad, grab pudding cup, and wait for your steak to be cooked.

Johnny's job is to run the later shifts when most of the older managers have gone home. That means he's in charge of the herd of waitresses, the doofus dishwasher, the conniving cook and the old franchise owner and his wife.

Johnny doesn't want to be there. His personal situation has forced him into a tight spot where he needs to work, he needs to lay low, so he needs to do what he can to keep the job. But it is out of no personal interest in the restaurant business, the frachise business, or any management aspirations that he is strapping on a horrible tie and going to work. His waitresses are a combination of old, old, old (been there forever), young, young, young, (want to be there less than Johnny), none of which listen to a word he says. His lead cook has tons of secrets of his own, the day cook is nearly psychotic, the weekend cook is an insane Gordon Ramsey wannabe. The cook is young, burned-out high school stoner with a maleable brain and questionable judgement.

The crux of the conflict is that Johnny has no desire to stay, but is trying to make it work anyway. His earnestness is only to ensure he keeps his job. He was in college, he had dreams, he wants a lot out of life. However, the longer he stays at Beefers, the more settled he gets, and the more he comes to somewhat enjoy his new gig.

Secondary conflicts are Johnny's northeastern roots. He isn't southern, he isn't Texan, and he certainly isn't down with the southern drawl. He's fast when everyone else is more deliberate. They give him crud and he doesn't even realize it.

Secondary conflict: The gamblers and the people from his past keep popping up to mess with his new life in Beefers.

Perhaps a relationship with one of the waitresses that starts out somewhat as a conquest and begins to develop into a relationship. This could be another tie to the restaurant that Johnny develops.

It's North vs. South, Cool vs. Uncool, Snotty vs. Grounded...

I'll have to think on this more tonight. Please email any suggestions.

TOMORROW: A first draft of the characters.

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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

TV Show - The Title, What Should It Be?


I kind of do things in a little strange way (what a surprise) and I find I get inspired if I can latch onto one little thing early on in a project to get the juices flowing. I love cooking and am a big fan of lots of cooking shows and have worked in a few restaurants or two in my day so my tv show idea takes place in a restaurant. Not any restaurant, but a steakhouse. So in my strange, backwards way, I'm going to work on the title of the show first. Of course, this could change, and if anybody buys the idea I'll change it to whatever the flip they want, but right now, here are some title ideas:

Beef
Beefers
Beef Eaters
Beef & Cigars
The Boiled & the Burned
Seared Meat
Fine Marbling
Cuts
Meat
Meet the Meat
Meat is Yummy
Meat Eaters
Meat Cleaver
Meat Cleaver Fever
Veggies are Murder
Steak
Steakhouse
Melted Butter

TOMORROW - The log line

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Friday, June 5, 2009

Uncool Task #47 - Laundry


My super-secret creative laboratory is in the garage. I don't mind that. In fact, I kind of like it. When I first designed the lab, it was in the middle of a scorching summertime and the garage was hot. So I made sure to design the space so that I could fit a small air conditioning unit and keep cool. The problem is that it gets somewhat cold (cold enough to need some heat) in the winter months.

Solution: Run the dryer. Since I don't want to be wasteful with these exorbitant California electric bills, I use the dryer with actual wet clothes. Which means I have to wash them. Hence, in a roundabout way, I've become the family laundry man.

Not the coolest of jobs here in Hollywood, but you know what, it has to be done. Like everything else in life, I have a system:

Divide: three categories... whites (grays), colors, darks.
Wash: I use my own special recipe laundry detergent that I make on the stove, saving dozens of dollars per year.
Dry: Ahhhhhhhh, sweet warmth in the cold months.
Fold: Are you crazy? I washed 'em, somebody else can fold 'em. What do I look like?

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Sunday, May 31, 2009

My Records - Robert Palmer "Riptide"

(Above) Robert Palmer "Riptide", three
white man overbites on the WMO jam scale.

Not sure if this album is considered any good critically, but it is definitely in the White Man Overbite hall of fame. Led by one of the most original and then imitated videos of all time, this album became a must-buy for us 80's goobers.

There were three singles off of this album that seemed to elicit the overbite more than most: 'Hyperactive', 'Addicted to Love', and 'I Didn't Mean to Turn You On'.

Like much of my record collection, he's dead.


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Saturday, May 30, 2009

How to Build a Low-Tech Web Site

I'm often asked, "How do you build such a sophisticated and technologically advanced web site?". Well, it often comes down to the tools you have available and I have the perfect web building tool: Swiss Army 2.0 for MAC.

You could probably get a better version of each of these tools separately, but with the Swiss Army 2.0 you get a lot of functionality in one piece of hardware. For example, a good web site starts with a nice background. My site is black, so I went to Home Depot, purchased a nice piece of plywood and some black paint. Using the 'saw' function of the Swizz Army 2.0, I was able to cut a piece of wood the size of my computer screen and paint it black.

For the blog entries themselves, I needed something a little more delicate, so I accessed the 'scissors' function and am able to cut-out nearly perfect letters for the text. For the pictures, I use the 'can opener' function to pry images out of my photo albums and tape those to the background above the text. I'm a big believer that a picture is a nice element to have on any blog entry, it makes the text pop.

Finally, when it comes time to post my entry, I use the flat side of the Swizz Army 2.0 and some spare finishing nails to tack my blog entry onto the internet.

By having all of these different tools in one spot, the Swizz Army 2.0 for MAC allows me to quickly and efficiently create a wonderful web site. I don't believe this will work with Windows.

(note: this is an example of what happens when you realize that there is not blog entry ready to go for Saturday and all you have is a picture of a Swiss Army knife and you've been eating too many Doritos with that weird flavored powder on them. Thank you.)

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Time Travel 1,000,000 BC - Ep. 3 "I'm Black"



Episode number 3 of the ever popular Time Travel 1,000,000 BC starring Jeffrey Rhodes as the Professor and Jordan Rhodes as his young assistant.

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

My Records - Starship "Nuclear Furniture"

I probably speak for many when I lament the old Jefferson Airplane and say, "Oh, what happened to ye?" Answer: Jefferson Starship. Nuclear Furniture.

Did they owe an album? Were they short of dough? Did the drugs do that much damage? I give it 1/2 of a White Man Overbite on the WMO scale because one tooth went over a tiny sliver of lip on "Layin It On the Line". The rest was very difficult...

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