Father's Day Strategy

As one gets older, the pleasures of life become much simpler. When I was a kid, I'd watch my Dad or my uncles take weekend naps and I'd be flabbergasted at the utter waste of time. I'd be like, 'they have money and power, why are they sleeping?'. As a kid, you can't wait to have a job and your own place so you could buy every toy you ever wanted. Then, once you are old enough to get that job and that place, you no longer really want those toys and you have to start buying crud you don't necessarily want like garden hoses, mulch, and wood putty.

The years roll on and I find myself saying words I never thought I'd say as a kid, "Just get me some new underwear for Christmas. New underwear would be fabulous". The sad part is, I really think new underwear is fabulous.

Which brings us to Father's Day. Father's always have stuff to do. There's always cars to wash and stuff to fix, and kids to spend time with, and wives to paint rooms for, everything is never really 'done'. Naps are desired but there's just no way to take them guilt free when there is so much to do. That's why there's two days a year when naps aren't just allowed, they are expected: birthday & Father's day.

Dad's like Father's Day because they get to sleep (note: a friend of mine, a young father, recently told me 'I used to think you were crazy talking about those Father's Day naps. Now that I have a kid, I know exactly what you were talking about.'). The kids like Father's Day because if I am sleeping, I am not yelling at them. Wives like Father's Day because if I am sleeping, I am not yelling at the kids.

So as part of the festivities, I get to sleep when I want, where I want and for as long as I want. The boys will make sure I have a fresh diet soda, they make sure the fan is plugged in and working, and my wife keeps the youngest from jumping on my head while I'm asleep. Ahhhhhhhh....

Then, I'll open my gift and put on a fresh, crisp pair of tighty-whitey underwear. Perfection.