Uncool Oscar Predictions - 2010

I live in Hollywood, this is a movie town. I get it. I love the movies! I love going to the movies and renting movies and buying DVD's and watching all kinds of movies in all kinds of genres in many different eras. That doesn't mean I have to spend six hours in front of a television bored out of my skull. Of course, that does not stop me from making "informed" predictions. I've been amazingly accurate the past few years on these things so I'd be sure to take a close look:

Best Supporting Actress
This is one of those east coast/west coast things that my east coast friends find strange, but live events like this come on at 5:00pm. It's still light out. It's a Sunday. I have a life to lead with four boys and a couple of nephews who like to play games. Usually this award is given right at the top of the show.
Prediction: I predict I'll be playing driveway hockey during this award.

Best Supporting Actor
By the time they get around to this award, the ovens will be ablaze, filled with baking breads & pies, potatoes will be well mashed, the roast beast will be resting prior to carving, and the whole family will be joined hand-in-hand for our dinner prayer.
Prediction: I predict I'll be eating dinner during this award.

Best Actor
Every Sunday is the same. A flurry of showers, whining, last minute homework, screaming, crying and chaos. And just as I'm getting ready to perhaps crack a beer and calm my nerves, my wife will take a quick peek in the cupboard and say something along the lines of, "You know, we're out of _________".
Prediction: I predict I'll be at Vons buying milk, bread and lunch meat during this award.

Best Actress
I expect that we will have everyone corralled well enough to catch our favorite Sunday activity, watching TV. What family would be complete without a Sunday night around the tube, bonding, learning about each other, and generally being "one"? It is at this point that we may find ourselves wondering what the heck that awards show is on ABC.
Prediction: I predict I'll be watching The Amazing Race during this award.

Best Director
Once that family bonding time known as watching TV has ended, it becomes necessary to get four boys and an nephew to go to bed. They are boys. They are genetically predestined to agitate each other beyond belief. Even if I tell them, "don't agitate each other or you are ALL punished", they still agitate and fight and shove and tease and annoy each other. Feelings are hurt, tempers flare. It's as regular as clockwork.
Prediction: I predict I'll be screaming at my boys at the top of my lungs during this award.

Best Picture
Growing up as a kid, you were lucky to catch the best picture award. It was always after midnight or 1am and really, really, late. Now that I'm on the west coast and I'm much older, the award still comes on late. It could be 9:00 or 9:30 before they announce that thing. This is the easiest prediction of them all.
Prediction: I predict I'll be fast asleep when this award is announced.

I look forward to looking at all the pictures and reading about all the winners on Monday morning on the internet.