One Minute Show - Ep. 2 - Al Be Back interviews Stalley

I'm digging young Al Be Back...

Orioles Opening Week - Dad's Glove

With opening day for the Baltimore Orioles fast approaching and things looking bleak even by spring training standards, I thought I would begin my baseball preview. Being the the pack-rat collector, I have a few Orioles items but my most precious baseball item is not really a collectible but my Dad's old baseball glove. As a kid, my Dad had given this to us and I thought it was horrible. It didn't really fit my hand and was hard to catch with. I soon got my own glove and moved on and tried to sell it at every yardsale I could. I left it outside in the rain dozens of times. The thing wouldn't leave. It wasn't until later that I realized he was "giving me his glove".

Its a Rawlings 'Eddie Mathews', three fingers, leather, brass button. My parents wrote 'Jeff R' on the front in magic marker which is why I suppose it kept being returned.

Now it is a family treasure!

Uncool Music Playlist - Stone Temple Pilots "Plush"

The Uncool hits keep on rolling... Live, from Jeff's iPod is #27 on his most played list "Plush" by Stone Temple Pilots.

Put this on, crank it up, and watch the head bob as I tear down the 101. Watch out youngsters...

TV is Superior to Movies - Firefly

A western in outer space. Jeff's latest example of why TV is superior to movies: Firefly.

When this showed first aired on the FOX network, the episodes were famously aired in the wrong order. It was quickly canceled and three episodes remained in the can. Then came the DVD box set. With the time to develop a setting and characters, Firefly created a completely unique and at the same time completely familiar universe. By putting the characters squarely in outer space and drawing a completely obvious parallel to westerns Joss Whedon created one of the coolest settings for a tv series to date.

Buy or rent the box set. Watch them in order. Lament the loss of the never created season two. The cool thing is that with the success of the box set, Universal greenlit a Firefly movie entitled "Serenity" that pretty much wraps up the series. Rent or buy the box set Firefly. Rent or buy "Serenity". Enjoy!

Side note: With Firefly and Battlestar Galactica, we have two outer space shows that are completely and exclusively populated by humans (no alien species or planets). There's something to say for what you can do dramatically when you make that creative decision.

The dialogue is very, very clever.

Title: Firefly
Episodes: 1/2 season (14 episodes + 1 two-hour feature)
Status: Cancelled most heinously

Jeff's favorite quote... Wash (the pilot): "Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire." (beat) "Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity."

Twinkies: Speed Eating Twinkies

Uncool History - Will of the World

Jeff's Uncool history series continues with a look at William Shakespeare.

"Will of the World" by Stephen Greenblatt

As a kid and high schooler, I was particularly averse to anything having to do with William Shakespeare. It wasn't until my later years at good ol' James Madison University that I took my required Shakespeare classes from Dr. Ralph Alan Cohen that I started to develop an appreciation and love for the work. Willy Shakes was a real literary genius. Not in the Hollywood sense of "you're a genius" but in the Einstein sense of "how could a human do that?"

Anyway, I picked up this book a couple of years ago because I'm always fascinated about how regular dudes become super-human dudes. This book is an interesting look at the world that Willy Shakes probably grew up in. I don't think it sheds much light on how he became what he became (that's probably an impossibility anyway) but it certainly paints a picture of the English countryside during those interesting times.

Happy birthday, Will...

P.S. Read some Shakespeare!

Jack Purcell - Marcus Troy Sneaker of the Day

I'm going to assume this isn't some kind of sneaker porn kind of thing (still not sure) and just say that it's an interesting concept for a clip. Wear some cool clothes, model them, show them off a bit, throw on some credits and then you're done.

Either enjoy or... you know, enjoooooy.

Albe Back - The One Minute Show - Season Premiere

A classic idea is back!

Uncool Music Playlist - Toadies "Possum Kingdom"

The Uncool hits keep on rolling... Live, from Jeff's iPod it is #4 on his most played list. My favorite all time peer pressure song, "Make up your mind..." The flattery, the lies, stakes, the cajoling...

TV is Superior to Movies - The Sopranos

I suppose it was going to take a company like HBO to create a serial show and stick with it. I talked about their show ROME earlier but it was clearly THE SOPRANOS that got the ball rolling on recent TV as high art.

When the show first came out, I was clearly in the 'We've had The Godfather, we've had Good Fellas, what else could be told?' camp but man I was totally wrong. Absolutely different point of view on the whole gangster thing. Couldn't help but be fascinated when killing happened during the day, go home to the suburbs at night, kind of thing. I was never a huge fan of the Dr. Melfi psychiatrist arc, but it clearly became one of the set pieces of The Soprano's.

You never quite got a handle on Tony Soprano in all the years of the show. Just when you really, really started to like him, his inner monster would show itself and you'd realize how you were dancing on the edges of something you should probably stay clear of.

As time has passed since the infamous final episode, I've grown to feel like that was good ending. At the time, I was mad and felt a little gipped. Since then, I've latched onto the 'the audience was whacked' theory for the ending. Creator David Chase has somewhat denied it, but I feel that was the best explanation. He killed us. The audience is now dead. We thought all was well and when we least expected us, gun to the back of the head, dead. If I were whacked, I'd be mad and feel a little gipped. We were whacked.

When you dance with the devil, the end is never good. With The Sopranos, we danced for four years. Time to pay up.

Title: The Sopranos
Episodes: 6 seasons (86 episodes)
Status: Whacked

One of Jeff's favorite quotes: Tony calls in Christopher to discipline about something... Christopher, "If this is about the Easter baskets I can explain." Tony, "What? No..." What Easter baskets? It says so much with so little. Brilliant show.

Twinkies: The Holy Twinkie

Choices...

Jack Purcell - Old Sneaker Harvest

Why throw them away when you can clean them up and use them for parts? Go ahead, shake your head. I get it every day!

Note to wife: No, I'm not telling you where I hide these.

Note to world: No, I don't quite know yet how to get that smiley face off the front of the sneaker but I'm working on it.

Jack Purcell - John Varvatos Black & White Mistakes

I have a pair of black & white John Varvatos Jack Purcells that I wear on a pretty regular basis. I picked them up in NYC several years ago for the shockingly low price of $18. I was concerned they may have been some kind of knock-off (there has to be a catch, right?) but have come to the opinion they were just cruddy shoes that had to be dumped.

Problem #1: I wore them for six minutes before the white suede sides became dirty beyond repair. The went from "meetings" sneaker to "everyday" sneaker just as quickly.

Problem #2: They never had the Jack Purcell shoe strings. They were grocery store shoe strings.

Problem #3: The toe "swoop" on the left sneaker is noticeably lower than the right sneaker. When I say noticeably lower, I mean by over a quarter of an inch. Take a look below:

On the left sneaker (above), notice there is less than 1/2 an inch between the bottom of the swoop and the black border. On the right sneaker (below), there is 3/4 of an inch between the swoop and the black border. It may not sound like much, but when you can notice by sight, the difference is pretty clear.
I don't believe these are knock-offs, I think these were mistake shoes that got pulled from the line and were snatched. They probably were intended for the scrap heap but ended up in that back alley sneaker store for me to find.

St. Patty's Day - Jeff's Uncool Bold Predictions 2010

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Living here in Hollywood means it will be wild night down with the freaks here on this happy mid-March holiday. Which of course means I will be nowhere near all of that mess:

1. I predict that I will work all day.
1a. I predict I will wear a blue jeans and a tan polo shirt (see last years blog entry on my non-green streak).

2. I predict I will coach youth roller hockey for 60 minutes.

3. I predict I will eat a quiet dinner before watching my favorite Irish TV show "ROME" on DVD before going to sleep.

4. I predict I will probably drink a beer, not green.

Neighbor's "Spare" Sliding Board

My mysterious neighbors' phantom sliding
board (above) taunting me from his nearby
pack rat pile.

While still a pack rat, I've whittled my pack rat nature down to smaller items. When I lived in Maryland, I had a habit of pack ratting larger items that I might "need" one of these days. Things like spare tires, old timber, and various chunks of metals, screws, and farming tools. Since I've moved to Southern California, my pack ratting is now confined to nick-knacks and papers and other "small" items I can cram into my office.

This does not however keep me from admiring my neighbors pack rat collection. My neighbor is an older gentleman who I've had the privilege of picking off his wonderful pack rat pile. Who else would have a spare metal gate, fence, and steel rods lying about?

Anyway, I've been eyeballing one piece of his collection and I'm trying to figure out a way to ask how to get it. He's easily in his seventies or eighties but for some reason he's hoarding a really nice sliding board. I'm sure there is some mysterious or possible future 'grandson' or 'nephew' he is saving it for, but I don't ever see kids rolling through that place. Ever.

I, on the other hand, have a tree house, a pre-built sliding board platform, and a pre-cut hole through the brush that is perfect that very same sliding board. The wait is on...

Yet Another Broken Sprinkler Head

Southern California is a desert. Grass does not really grow here. One of the adjustments of moving from back east is presence of sprinklers everywhere. Every yard, every strip of grass has sprinklers on it. Every house has some kind of crude sprinkler system. When I was a kid, one went out and "played in the yard". Today, in Southern California, if one plays in the yard, one is very likely to bust a sprinkler head within five minutes.

A bust sprinkler head is a site to behold. Water gushes out of the ground like a geyser, ten feet into the California night sky. Because sprinklers usually go off in the middle of the night, it takes about three weeks to realize that the sprinkler head is off. The easiest way to discover this is to observe the only muddy yard in the neighborhood, a neighborhood that is in fact naturally a desert where no mud should naturally a exist.

Naturally, I come to the realization that I have shot $600 dollars of water into the night sky over the course of the three weeks. My theory is that $1 billion dollars of water is shot into the night sky every year because of busted sprinkler heads. Wait, that's just my house...

Jeff's Uncool Dressing Influences - Polishing Shoes

I was never the most natural dresser. It took tons of advice from many people to get me to a minimal competence of dressing standards. Though I was told many things at many times, there were certain people who caught me at just the right time on certain items. Case in point: polishing my shoes.

My old friend Jim Golden worked with me at Fox 45 television in Baltimore and he was (and continues to be) the station announcer voice. I worked with Jim quite a bit because I was always writing voice over copy and promo copy and spent a good bit of time with him. During this particular point in my career, this was my first occasion to wear nice shoes to the office everyday.

"Jeff, a man is judged on his appearances, polish your shoes," counseled Mr. Golden. He taught me the first lesson of the hard shoe man: pretty soon after meeting someone, they are going to glance at your feet and those shoes need to shine!
I had a shoe polishing box which I hadn't much cracked open and started keeping those ol' shoes polished to a brite sheen. A few years later, I got my first official shoe shine which I appreciated a heck of a lot more after having polished more than my fair share of shoes.

In today's sneaker culture, this whole shoe polish thing has dipped but the concept remains. Keep those sneakers bright and clean. The eyes eventually go there.

Uncool Music Playlist - Chilliwack "My Girl"

The Uncool hits keep on rolling... Live, from Jeff's iPod is #16 on his most played list "My Gir" by Chilliwack.

This is another song of time and place more than any kind of merit. I listened to it in high school during football sophomore year. The fact that the two match up is good enough for me I suppose.

Jack Purcell - Shoe Pics

I know, I know, this is kind of goofy. But I stumbled across a video somebody edited together of a bunch of Jack Purcell shoes. I suppose I should say enjoy!

Yet Another Broken Chair in the Rhodes Household

Four large boys, two nephews and a large father can certainly spell doom for a chair. In the Rhodes household, we go through chairs like paper towels. Currently, we are five chairs deep in the repair shop for the dining room set. I've got specific instructions on how to fix those things but still haven't done them all.

The latest casualty is a living room rocker. Two steel bolts sheered right off... Back to Home Depot...

Uncool Birthday Haul!

In a bid to manage expectations and to set myself up for supreme success, I managed to get absolutely everything I asked for (and more)!

1. Not one but TWO gallon containers of goldfish crackers.
2. Not one but SIX 2-liters of diet Coke.
3. Additionally, not one but TWO packets of white socks.
4. Bonus: a new packet of underwear.
5. Double bonus: a block of extra sharp cheddar cheese.

Monopoly Game Collection - Commemorative Edition

Being the Uncoolest Dude in Hollywood, means I have the Uncoolest taste in what to collect. My infamous Monopoly game collection is no different. This commemorative edition was given to me back in the mid 80's during my college days. It was my first real Monopoly collector item. I had gotten some other special editions prior to this, but I always played with those versions and they got messed up. This was the first one I tried to keep nice.

First off, this comes in a small square tin. No old versions ever came in a tin like this, but it gives in a retro look. Inside are a lot of extras. First off, is a one sheet that sits on top of everything with Mr. Monopoly aka Rich Uncle Pennybags explaining ins-and-outs of this edition. The paper underneath is a loose sales piece that was originally on the outside of the tin when it was encased in plastic wrap. It provided a place for the usual stuff that they didn't want on the actual tin (for example, the UPC bar coding).

Inside, there is an extra large booklet with a (sanitized) history of the game from the early days to its overseas versions to the present. In the back of the book is a standard list of rules. On the back page is an interesting FAQ page dispelling common myths and explaining that certain 'house rules' like getting money for landing on Free Parking aren't official.

Below is the actual game board folded-up into an uncommon four-way configuration. In a nod to some older versions of the game, there is a logo sticker on the board that is an exact replica in size and shape of the early game box covers. The board itself is standard.


Insides, there is a nifty plastic insert that serves as a holder for all of the game pieces. Most importantly, there are slots for all of the denominations of money so it doubles as the bank. The dice are not white but an ivory bone color. Money and property cards are standard.

The big difference inside are the houses/hotels and the token. Above are the ten tokens. Some are very recognizable (the shoe, the car, the battleship, the thimble, the top hat, the cannon and the iron). Some are different version of the standard (a hobbyhorse instead of the man on the horse) and a couple I never saw before (a purse and a lantern). But even the standard stuff are different. They are all a golden/bronze tone as opposed to the pewter/silver in a standard set. The car and the cannon are nothing like the standard sets. Then lantern is markedly larger than any other token I've seen in any set.

The houses/hotels are made of wood like the old sets but also have designs stenciled on the hotels.

Uncool Oscar Predictions - 2010

I live in Hollywood, this is a movie town. I get it. I love the movies! I love going to the movies and renting movies and buying DVD's and watching all kinds of movies in all kinds of genres in many different eras. That doesn't mean I have to spend six hours in front of a television bored out of my skull. Of course, that does not stop me from making "informed" predictions. I've been amazingly accurate the past few years on these things so I'd be sure to take a close look:

Best Supporting Actress
This is one of those east coast/west coast things that my east coast friends find strange, but live events like this come on at 5:00pm. It's still light out. It's a Sunday. I have a life to lead with four boys and a couple of nephews who like to play games. Usually this award is given right at the top of the show.
Prediction: I predict I'll be playing driveway hockey during this award.

Best Supporting Actor
By the time they get around to this award, the ovens will be ablaze, filled with baking breads & pies, potatoes will be well mashed, the roast beast will be resting prior to carving, and the whole family will be joined hand-in-hand for our dinner prayer.
Prediction: I predict I'll be eating dinner during this award.

Best Actor
Every Sunday is the same. A flurry of showers, whining, last minute homework, screaming, crying and chaos. And just as I'm getting ready to perhaps crack a beer and calm my nerves, my wife will take a quick peek in the cupboard and say something along the lines of, "You know, we're out of _________".
Prediction: I predict I'll be at Vons buying milk, bread and lunch meat during this award.

Best Actress
I expect that we will have everyone corralled well enough to catch our favorite Sunday activity, watching TV. What family would be complete without a Sunday night around the tube, bonding, learning about each other, and generally being "one"? It is at this point that we may find ourselves wondering what the heck that awards show is on ABC.
Prediction: I predict I'll be watching The Amazing Race during this award.

Best Director
Once that family bonding time known as watching TV has ended, it becomes necessary to get four boys and an nephew to go to bed. They are boys. They are genetically predestined to agitate each other beyond belief. Even if I tell them, "don't agitate each other or you are ALL punished", they still agitate and fight and shove and tease and annoy each other. Feelings are hurt, tempers flare. It's as regular as clockwork.
Prediction: I predict I'll be screaming at my boys at the top of my lungs during this award.

Best Picture
Growing up as a kid, you were lucky to catch the best picture award. It was always after midnight or 1am and really, really, late. Now that I'm on the west coast and I'm much older, the award still comes on late. It could be 9:00 or 9:30 before they announce that thing. This is the easiest prediction of them all.
Prediction: I predict I'll be fast asleep when this award is announced.

I look forward to looking at all the pictures and reading about all the winners on Monday morning on the internet.

TV is Superior to Movies - Battlestar Galactica

TV is superior to movies example of the month: Battlestar Galactica

There are those of you who feel like the outer space thing is too goofy and silly. Shame on you. Battlestar Galactica is one of the best examples of using a foreign setting to tell a story that would be nearly impossible to tell if it were done straight.

Back in the day, the way you told a story you weren't allowed to tell was to make it a western. You wanted to talk about racism during the fifties... you made a western about a cowboy falling in love with an indian. You wanted to talk about communism or discrimination or drug use or anything taboo, you made it a western. One of the reasons the western died was that there was no longer a need to have this fictional backdrop to tell a compelling story.

But even today, there are taboo topics that in and of themselves invoke emotional responses that would make it difficult to tell an honest story without the baggage of today getting in the way. Today, it is no longer the western that serves this purpose, it is science fiction. Enter Battlestar Galactica.

On the surface, this is show taking place 'a long time ago in a galaxy far, far way' but it is anything but. The whole arc about the occupation of New Caprica can really screw with your brain when you realize which characters represent the US and which character represent the Iraqi's.

How can you have a show where religion is a central theme and not have preconceived notions about Christianity or Judaism or Islam? Simple... make up whole new religions and invert who you feel you should be rooting for.

How do you have characters curse like sailors without saying real curse words? Frakkin' watch the show and you'll see.

Program: Battlestar Galactica
Episodes: 78 episodes (Pilot miniseries, four seasons, post series episode) and a series of webisodes that aired between seasons.
Status: Series concluded

There is a prequel series called Caprica that looks very, very promising as well.

March 5 - Uncool Events in History

Being my birthday I decided to do a little research and figure out some uncool things that happened on this very special date in my own personal history. My exhaustive research shows that a lot happened, most of which is very boring:

1995 21st People's Choice Awards: Tim Allen wins
1994 Largest milkshake (1,955 gallons of chocolate-Nelspruit South Africa)
1966 Bob Seagren pole vaults 5.19m indoor world record
1579 Betuwe joins Union of Utrecht

However, I was able to turn up a one cool/uncool historical tidbit:

1770 Boston Massacre, British troops kill 5 in crowd. Crispus Attackus becomes 1st black to die for American freedom

There are some pretty famous March 5 deaths:
1982 John Belushi, comedian (Sat Night Live), dies of drug overdose at 33
1963 Patsy Cline, country singer (Crazy), dies in a plane crash at 30
1953 Josef V Stalin, soviet leader responsible for 11M murders, dies at 73

Interestingly enough, two actors from the 60's show TIME TUNNEL died on March 5th:
1996 Whit Bissell, actor (Time Tunnel), dies at 86
1990 Gary Merrill, actor (Time Tunnel, Huckleberry Finn), dies at 75

I suppose if you were on that show, you can't wait for March 6th to roll around every year.

Finally, some March 5th births of note:
The kid from Star Wars, 1989 Jake Lloyd, American Actor
Star Trek hottie, 1975 Jolene Blalock, American Actress
All-around hottie, 1974 Eva Mendes, American Actress
Used to be a hottie, 1956 Teena Marie, American Musician
Magician dude, 1955 Penn Jillette, born in Massachusetts, magician, Penn and Teller-Penn and Teller are Dead

And let's not forget everyone's ancient ruler, 1324 David II Bruce, king of Scotland, 1331 - 1371

Uncool Music Playlist - Too Much Joy "Crush Story"

The Uncool hits keep on rolling... Live, from Jeff's iPod it is #3 on his most played list. Old school alternative from the early 90's. Sheez.

Driveway Hockey Court

In the works long before Olympic hockey but in time to take advantage of its rising popularity is the Rhodes driveway hockey rink. The problem with any hockey not in a real rink is a lack of boards. You hit the puck and it goes under the bushes. Not so at Rhodes Hockey Place. I spent many weeks (a one long night in the emergency room) building custom low-rise boards. Oh sure, they may look like nice little decorative edging on the garden but who knew they would repel pucks? I did, of course...

Twinkies: Strawberry Sauce and Grapes w/ Cookie

Uncool History - Truman

Jeff's Uncool history series continues with a look at Harry S. Truman.

"Truman" by David McCullough.

Once again, if you haven't read any David McCullough, you should get off your butt and get to the library. This is fascinating book about a dude I probably would not have given a second look to if not for this book.

The one thing I still can't get over: Truman was almost forty years old WHEN HE ENTERED POLITICS.

He owned a failed clothing store. He wasn't a lawyer. He didn't graduate college. He was just a regular dude for the most part who became president. If it was a novel or a made-up movie, it wouldn't be believable.