Friday, October 30, 2009

The Most Complicated Toilet in Existence


My toilet started experiencing technical difficulties several weeks ago. The problem: proper flushing. It was the weirdest issue. You'd flush it once and nothing would happen. You'd have to wait for it to fill-up, then flush it again for it to work properly. This toilet was never normal. It was one of those toilet that when you flushed, it was so powerful and fast and quick that you knew it wasn't a normal set-up. I was afraid that if anything were to be 'left behind' during a flush cycle, there would be major medical problems.

After weeks of hemming and hawing, I decided to try and fix the toilet. I opened it up and found this. No water. No flapper. No big ball I could adjust. I found something that looked to be an Apollo era rocket engine pump. It is called the Flushmate and here is what I found out:





That's right, my toilet comes with technical charts, graphs, studies, data, theories, and upgrades. In other words, it is going to be very expensive to fix.

I was able to track down the proper "cylinder mechanism" at Home Depot for a mere $60 (even the lady at the checkout said, "Wow, $60 dollars for that?"). I installed the cylinder mechanism using the fifteen-step procedure I was able to locate on the internet. I turned on the water, repressurized the main tank, balanced the ph, adjusted the plunger spring apparatus, re-initialized the matter/anti-matter chamber, rebooted the software, calibrated the exhaust manifold and recharged the main tank.

It still doesn't work right. I found if I hold my finger over against the threads where the cylinder meets the tank, I can get it to recharge after two or three semi-flushes. All to flush a simple toilet.

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Monday, October 26, 2009

Happy Birthday Nicholas!












Born three years ago today. Tomorrow is the three year anniversary of when we met him and brought him home from the hospital! The most perfect, rottenest, smelliest, cutest kid you'll ever see.

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Monday, October 19, 2009

Friday, October 16, 2009

Uncool Cooking Audition - The Lost Tapes


I've sent in my audition video for Next Food Network Star and fully expect to never hear anything back... ever. Technically, I'm still in the running but am having my doubts.

As part of the process, we are to send in a 3-minute audition tape to give the judges a look at our on-camera skills and our personality. The rules were pretty clear: no music, no fancy editing, no tricks. They basically want the camera to stay on you the whole time for this demo. If this were a real piece, I would have wanted cut-a-ways, etc., but that is not what they wanted. There is no music and it is pretty dry. Plus, I would have mic'd myself if this were real but didn't want it to look 'too' professional (they didn't want professional).

My first demo was really, really long and I tried to edit it down to three minutes without trickery but it looked a little choppy to me. I finally said the heck with it, re-set up the camera and shot another demo using a simpler recipe that I could finish in three minutes. I rehearsed, I had a stop watch on the counter and practiced a couple of times. This was the second or third take.

I finally decided to send in the first video (even though it was a little long) because I thought it showed my personality much better, it was a little clearer about my food knowledge, and I had better eye contact with the camera. For this second one, I was so concerned about the three minutes that I'm looking down the whole time. Plus the food I made was pretty gross.

Once my rejection from Food Network becomes official, I'll post the other video.

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Saturday, October 10, 2009