The Best Six Months are HERE!!

Woo-hoo! Are you ready for some football?? Yeah, buddy. Either you understand it or you don't. I'm not going to try and convince you that you should or shouldn't like football, I'm just saying it can be a passion for us goobers.

Your Baltimore Ravens are now all in camp and training for this years exciting run to the Super Bowl and your favorite Uncoolest dude in Hollywood is watching avidly from afar. This is the one time of year I really miss living back in my Westminster, MD home. I lived walking distance to the Ravens practice field and would go up there quite a bit. Oh, well.

But a new season is upon us and pretty soon I'll have to remind the wife of the 'Sunday Rules':

1. Jeff gets to watch the Ravens each Sunday. This can be live, this can be TiVo, but it will be watched. (oh, those Sunday's in church when you know the game is happening right that minute...)

2. Jeff requires two hours after any Ravens loss to be grouchy without strings attached.

3. Stay out of the living room during games unless you are with the program.

IN EXCHANGE, Jeff agrees...

a) Once the game is over, I may watch other football at the leisure and pleasure of the wife (she would prefer I spent the rest of the Sunday with the family. "Don't YOU want to spend the day with the family?").

b) No throwing of anything (glasses, bottles, tantrums)

c) Go to church (one playoff exemption)

d) Pre-seaon does not count in the standings, pre-season doesn't count for this.

This day is glorious!

Behind the Scenes - Uncoolest Hollywood Report

I have received a lot of requests for a behind-the-scenes look at the Uncool Hollywood report so here goes. Here is a partial list of the things sitting behind me when I shoot those reports:

A large map of Carroll County, MD from the 1800's (reproduction). A caricature of my wife that she gave me for Christmas many years ago. A pile of CD's I never look at and I never will again. An old Sidekick v.1 that doesn't work and has buttons missing. A pile of scripts. An old school crank pencil sharpener and an electric one. A desktop heater. An HO-scale train car with fake wood pallets. A stack of old hotel keys. A picture of William and Jack (my sons) when they were very young. A checkbook from a closed account. A cassette tape with the only copy of my rap album DJ JOHNNY CUTS BUTCHHEAD "2 Tons of Fun". A picture of a spaceship I drew when I was a kid. A pile of Monopoly games. A stack of Ben Franklin 1963 half-dollars in a container. An old disk drive that doesn't work and has nothing on it anyway. A microphone from my tape recorder when I was a kid.

And some other stuff...

The Old Game Boy

While my kids were complaining that their Nintendo DS's did not internet access and the graphics weren't up to their exact specifications, I was able to pull out my old Game Boy. That's right, believe it or not, I still have my old Game Boy from when I was a younger feller. I was trying to impress upon the kids that in the old days, we would play with simpler, more wholesome video games. We'd play honestly and for reasonable amounts of times. We did things in moderation.

I really liked that old Game Boy but I quite frankly only played one game: Tetris.

It being a Russian game, I was always under the impression that the since the old Soviet Union couldn't get us with the nuclear option, they shipped over a bunch of Tetris games and got the population hooked. Then all they had to do was march into the country unopposed and enslave us in a communist regime.

So I put some batteries in to see if the Tetris game still worked and....

(fifteen hours later)

What was I saying?

Uncool Hollywood Report 4 - 7/29/09 - News FLASH!

Uncool Hollywood Report - 3 - 7/26/09

Bottom Drawer

Every writer has a 'bottom drawer' where they keep all the crud they've written. Either fortunately or unfortunately I have an entire shelf. In fact, not everything is printed out so a lot of it is still in the computer (probably should print some of that out). My bottom drawer is getting quite big.

It's good because if I ever develop a good level of juice in this town, I'll be 'prolific' for quite a bit because I'll at least have a ton of ideas thought through. It is said that a good writer has gotten a lot of the 'bad' writing out of their system by writing, writing, writing. Man, I hope so, because I've got a ton of stuff here.

A quick look back through...

The Pickle Man - My first feature script about a guy haunted by a strange ghost (the nefarious Dr. Pinnochole).

I used to write a draw comics quite a bit, most of it when I was a kid 'Blue Blazer' and some to this day 'The Busboy'. I also a write and draw an occasional comic strip for the kids entitled 'Bean Heads'.

Mall Santa - My script I wrote about a Santa Claus booth at a mall that I was shopping around until an agent said, 'You know, they're already making a movie called BAD SANTA'. That was the end of that.

I also wrote a series of short stories called 'Santa Claus: An Abridged History' about how the early life of Santa, space aliens, Kings and tax collectors, and Santa's unheralded role during WWII.

I have script called 'Lucky' and one called 'Millionaires Club' which I did in partnership with another feller.

I have TV show treatment ideas, TV show scripts (New York Undercover [remember that?], Star Trek Voyager & Star Trek Deep Space Nine [they used to accept scripts from regular folks])

The repository is endless. Hopefully, there is a gem or two in there when the need arises!

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 7 "Twinkie Factory"

Talk about dream job! Trains and conveyor belts full of twinkies. Oh, yeah...

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 6 - The Twinkie Tree
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 5 - Patriotic Twinkie Pie
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 4 - More Recipes
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods