Television - Uncool Year in Review

True Blood (above). The stupidest show on television.

Much like that curmudgeon with the shorts and black socks I've become, I like to watch what I like to watch on TV and I've stopped trying to impress anyone with my taste. I've divided my lists accordingly, so here goes...

SHOWS EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO LIKE BUT I CAN'T REALLY STAND
These are shows that I've seen or watch because my wife watches. I don't really like these shows but I can stomach it for the sake of my loved ones:

True Blood - What the heck is it with vampires? I don't completely understand why we need forty seven versions of the vampire thing going on right now. I so wanted to like this show, but its stupid. Everybody has horrible accents, the vampire stuff is stupid, it's not particularly funny, it's not particularly scary, and it's stupid. Besides all that, I'm fine with it.

Law & Order: (Fill in the blank) God bless Dick Wolf for creating 3,492 episodes of television. He's got to be a billionaire a couple of times over by now. After about episode 2,500, I was pretty much done.

Sons of Anarchy (above) the greatest show on television.

SHOWS EVERYONE ELSE LIKES THAT I LIKE ALSO
This is the list of shows I'd say I liked if I were at a cool guy party and I didn't want to lie and I knew it would be safe to say so. Plus, I really like them.

Sons of Anarchy - As per usual, I'm suckered into hoping the bad guys win. This time it is dirt bag bikers who run guns. Not that bikers are necessarily bad, only when they run guns.

Dexter - I'll be honest, this is getting close to my 'I'm not digging this anymore list' but it is turning around. I haven't seen the finale yet (satellite issues) but I heard it was epic so don't tell me.

Modern Family - Not sure how long I'll dig this show but right now I'm cracking up everytime it comes on.

The Tudors - It helps that he only had six wives, because it is starting to get a little repetitious. Knowing that the final season is coming up gives me a little more hope. Either way, I've really enjoyed the 'cool guy Henry VIII'.

Mad Men - Everybody seems to dig this show and I'm sure I agree for all the same reasons.

Hell's Kitchen (above) the greatest show on television.

SHOWS I USED TO LIKE BUT NOW PRETTY MUCH DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYMORE
Heroes - Stupid. First season was killer. What happened? Like an idiot, I watched every episode this season hoping beyond hope. Hope dashed.

Entourage - Going through the motions.

24 - 24 x stupid. The whole premise is old. First season was hot. Then I fell asleep at some point and didn't really feel like turning it back on. What does that say?

Project Runway - I'm surprised about this, but I suddenly lost interest. Even my old pal Tim Gunn seemed to be phoning it in a bit.

SHOWS I LIKE, I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I'M A GOOBER
Reality game shows: Survivor, Amazing Race, Hell's Kitchen, Top Chef - If there is a show where someone could be eliminated week-to-week, there is a good chance I'll like the show. I am a student of Survivor, a hopeful contestant with one of my sons on Amazing Race, and I've been to the actual Hell's Kitchen during service. This kind of show is in my wheelhouse.

Food network: Chopped, Good Eats - I like stupid cooking shows, what can I say?

American Idol (above) the stupidest show on television.

SHOWS I'VE NEVER WATCH ONE MINUTE OF AND NEVER WILL
I don't let the fact that I've never seen any of these shows stop me from judging them as complete failures. They are stupid simply because I decided they were.

American Idol - Stupid
Dancing with the Stars - Stupid
Grey's Anatomy - Dumb.
Lost - Stupid

Guilty Pleasures: Jeff's Uncool Movie List - Vanity Movie Edition

Like a lot of people, I have movies I like that aren't generally well thought of - movies that were pretty much panned (or even outright reviled) but I seem to like them anyway. As I went through my list, I realized I was a big fan of vanity movies. You know the ones... a big star gets a lot of power and is able to get a personal pet project greenlit and made simply on the strength of their name. Heck, they may have even written the movie... and directed in it... and starred in it... Why do I like these movies? I don't particularly know, but here is Jeff's list of guilty pleasures - vanity movies edition:

Costner bringing home the mail in The Postman (above).

The Postman (1997) - Kevin Costner's post apocalyptic story of a drifter inspiring a desperate people by... delivering their mail. Very sappy, very heavy handed and very, very long. But as soon as that little girl starts singing, "Oh beautiful for spacious skies..." my heart lept a beat (right after my nephew and I got a giggle). Costner goes for all the anti-hero cliches and even manages to convince Tom Petty to play... himself. Wow.

That Thing You Do! (1996) - Tom Hanks wrote and directed this tale of the fictional 60's group 'The Wonders'. For some reason, I've watched it about 647 times. Every time it comes on TV I watch it. It's like the heroin of movies. I see it on the channel guide and I feel the need to click on it. Every time, I scream at the screen, "Just do the song in Spanish you moron, don't ruin it for the other guys!"

Look at all the stars in this flippin' movie.
It would $100 million just for the salaries if
this were made today. How could anyone resist
The Quick and the Dead?

The Quick and the Dead (1995) - This was the cowboy movie with Sharon Stone. I love this movie even though it seems to be universally reviled. I has like twelve big actors in this movies: Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman, Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio, Keith David, Lance Henriksen, Gary Sinise, Tobin Bell, Pat Hingle... This is another one I can't go past when it shows up on the channel guide.

Hudson Hawk (1991) - Nobody seems to like this movie. Nobody. But Bruce Willis was able to get it made. Bruce Willis did a lot of the writing on this. This was Bruce Willis' movie. I think I liked it because I was always under the impression it was more comedy than action. If I could explain it, I would explain it. It's stupid, I know. But when James Coburn said, "We blow up space shuttles for breakfast," I immediately shot my diet coke right out my nose. I wish I could explain it.

Shadow Ranch Football Ghost

(Above)  My son playing flag football.  

Notice the mysterious figure in the window 

of the building in the rear.  Scaaaaaaaary.

Took this picture of my son playing football at Shadow Ranch Park here in Woodland Hills when we discovered a picture of a ghost in the window. Creepy...

Boulevard of Broken Chairs

(Above) The chair graveyard.

The Rhodes family is big in many ways. Oh sure, having a wife, four boys, a sister, and a couple of nephews hanging around the house makes it a big family. But I'm also talking weight. My boys are growing and eating and playing sports and eating some more and quite frankly they have little concept of the importance of not leaning back in their chairs.

As a consequence, I have a growing graveyard of broken chairs. Currently, I have six completely broken chairs awaiting repair. I have several 'in service' chairs I would classify as 'endangered'. I was given specific and detailed instructions from my step-father on how to repair the chairs and have in fact successfully repaired two chairs. The problem is that a 'proper' repair takes all day to do and three days of drying & curing and I haven't really stepped up to do it.

But with Thanksgiving approaching and more bodies on the way, it may be time to get out the glue and clamps and suck it up. Please don't take as nagging when a kindly man that looks a lot like me screams, "Stop leaning back in that chair!" It may not save your life but give that man three days of his life back!

My Dirty Glasses

I'm not quite sure why or how, but every time I turn around my glasses are dirty. I never remember touching them or fiddling with them or brushing against them, but somehow they get dirty. I recently got a new pair of glasses and my last pair were so scratched up that I could hardly see out of them. And since I'm horribly cheap, no matter how bad they would get, I would refuse to replace them. So I turned-over a new leaf and decided to really take care of this new pair.

The kind gentleman at the optometrist office suggested I use these ever present microfiber clothes to clean the glasses instead of my shirt tail so I asked for an extra couple of sheets. Before I made it to the care leaving the doctor I already needed to clean them. So I decided, I'll leave one of the clothes here in the car.



Pretty soon, I had microfiber clothes strategically placed everywhere in my life I may need them:

1. Two at my desk, one on each side of the table.

2. One in the drawer of the table next to my favorite TV-watching seat.

3. One in the center console of the car.

4. One on my bedside table for reading.

5. One in my backpack for traveling.

It was after typing this list that I realized (once again) I'm becoming more and more like those crazy old men with their crazy coffee cans full of nails and screws and piles of coupons. Sheez...

Mattel Electronic Football - The Height of Gaming Technology

When this came out it was the apex of electronic gaming. My brother had snagged one of these Mattel Electronic Football games for Christmas and it soon afforded us hours and hours of thumb numbing joy. Like may football-type games (see electric football here), it is more window dressing than an actual simulation of playing football.

Basically there were three rows by which you could move your 'man' forward. You had to wait for the 'defense' to get out of the way and then ran down the open row before you were 'tackled'. There were two speeds "Pro 1" and "Pro 2", the first was impossibly easy and the second was impossibly hard. Only fools ever 'kicked' and it had some memorable if not simple electronic beeps sfx (especially upon turning the ball over on downs).

Surprisingly, I still don't have this somewhere in my packrat collection. I believe I eBayed it several years ago for a small fortune ($18 rings a bell).

Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 14 - Good Design is Universal

Twinkies as the basis for good design. Just common sense.


Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 13 Cloning Twinkies
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 12 Twinkie Book
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 11 Grilled Twinkies
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 10 "Twinkie Movie"
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 9 - Are You Ready For Some Football?
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 8 - The Road to Heaven
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 7 - Twinkie Factory
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 6 - The Twinkie Tree
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 5 - Patriotic Twinkie Pie
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 4 - More Recipes
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 3 - Twinkie Art
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 2 - Recipes & Cookbook
Twinkies: A Celebration of Gold - Pt. 1 - How to Make from Scratch
Twinkies: The Fingers of the Gods